Another Festivus Miracle!

Greetings Loyal Team Seagal fans, and members! I'd like to say first off, Merry Christmas! Christmas came one day early this year for yours truly - Casey Ryback. I have been somewhat secretive as to what I've managed to find and place on order. I have told a few of you just how excited I am at what I've found, and now that they've arrived, I can't hold it in any longer. Oh mama.


It looks as though the energy drink Gods looked upon my misfortune regarding the Fixx and the Monster BFC, and saw I was sad. They then did smile, and granted me the gift of Lightning Bolt - in both flavors! The much heralded Cherry Charge, and the untested Asian Experience.

We had all but lost hope that this stuff was even still produced. It turns out that it is still available, though it is rather pricey after shipping. Will this re-ignite our interest in having a Seagal Energy Drink sponsorship? We'll see.

I got 2 packs of 6 (one of each flavor) which should be enough for all the Team Seagal soldiers who are doing Team Seagal missionary work to have one. Merry Christmas to all those who are badasses, and to all those who are badasses a good night!

-C. Ryback


Energy Drinks - of DOOM

With all this horrifically shitty weather, we've needed to find other ways amuse ourselves since we're not riding quite as much as we'd like. There are plenty of ways that a bunch of single dudes can amuse themselves, though I'm only going to tell you about one way in particular. The ordering and purchasing of strange new energy drinks.


Myself, Marshall Lawson, and The Good Doctor were intrigued by what was said on www.energyfiend.com regarding the caffeine content in this stuff called "Fixx." They reported that a 20oz bottle had 500mg of caffeine. That's basically enough to make the abominable snowman jittery. It comes with one of those full-bottle wrappers, which doesn't let you see the product - turns out that this should have been the first sign. The last sign was the scent (odor) that escaped like the demons out of the Arc of the Covenant. It was quite odoriferous.

I can not recall anything in recent memory that was so thoroughly bad, right off the bat. The aftertaste lingered around much like the last poo-nugget that doesn't quite get flushed the first time when you're visiting friends and using their guest bathroom. All you want is for the tank to fill up quickly so you can get rid of this thing as soon as possible. Some have described the taste as being similar to what the girls of 2girls1cup.com were tasting. But with vitamins.

Needless to say, only 2 of the 3 of us were able to actually finish a full bottle. Marshall pounded his down in less than 20 minutes. Dr. Wesley McLaren had his finished by the end of the day, however Casey Ryback decided to choose life over death and gave up halfway through the bottle.

The Monster BFC

Every so often, humans engineering surpasses that which was previously though possible. Things such as the Knock Nevis tanker:

Or the world's largest earth digger:

Now, we have the Monster BFC:

Yes, that is 32oz, a full QUART, of Monster. It comes in two flavors: original, and "heavy metal." The original has over 100g of sugar, and something like 320mg of caffeine. The "heavy metal" flavor, (which isn't advertised on their website, with good reason) has just slightly less sugar, and presumably as much caffeine. But much more anger infused into it. If you look at a piddly can of Red Bull and say to yourself "I use more fluid than that just to wash down an aspirin," then you need to step up to the BFC. However, take it from me, Casey Ryback, that if you are going to do so, then DO NOT get the heavy metal flavor. It will destroy your soul. Rumor has it that Exxon uses cans of a similar size with which to ship their precious oil over from the middle east. A man named Bobby Leach used one of these BFC cans in which to go over Niagara Falls. He later died from injuries sustained from slipping on an orange peel in the street.

The moral of the story: don't believe internet hype about energy drinks, and don't step on an orange peel if it is in the street.


Winter Solstice Non-Race Cancelled

Just to make sure those of you not following the thread on stlbiking know, we've had to cancel the non-race for Saturday December 22 due to absolutely nasty trail conditions. Keep checking the blog as we'll have more events throughout the winter.


A Break from Rider Profiles...

...to ask the question "What did you do this Sunday?"

Rider Profile #4

Rider: Nico Toscani
Age: 27
Occupation: Hotelier to the Kings, & part time wrench at TC
Bikes: Purple Kona Unit 29, the same one as Mason Storm except no more squishy fork because I cut the shit out of it and then sold it to Lt. Col Austin Travis. I also have huge brake rotors and I run 34 x 22 gearing.
Favorite Race: Spanish Lake
Pre-race meal: Hardee's breakfast sandwiches and lots of hash-crowns
Post-race meal: Coffee Stout or any hoppy IPA and of course, DOS PRIMOS!
Training Tips: Copius amounts of Chinese Herbs help to get me in that wrist-snapping mood.


Rider Profile #3

Rider: Forrest Taft
Occupation: Student/ Grocery Stock Boi
Bikes:1982 Giant Perigee Single Speed/ 2006 Redline Monocog
Favorite Race: Never Raced
Pre-ride meal: Let one out
Post-ride meal: Chinese Herbs
Training tips: Beer, China Men Herbs, hungry pussy

Rider Profile #2

Rider: Casey Ryback
Age: 26
Height: 6'1"
Occupation: Bike Shop Store Manager.
Bike: "Hell-Hammer" - my Kona Kula 2-9 singlespeed (currently 32x20t)
Favorite Race: Burnin at the Bluff
Favorite Ride: 4+ hour epics in the Ozark region
Pre-race meal: Bagels, Cream of Wheat, bananas, and death metal
Post race meal: tuna mixed with mac and cheese, Stag
Training tips: Like Eddy "The Cannibal" Merckx sez, "Ride lots." And if I may add to that, ride lots but always enjoy it.


Team Seagal Rider Profile # 1

Rider: Mason Storm
Occupation:Fish Monger, and Part-time shop bum at TC.
Bikes:2007 Kona Unit 29 w/ Reba, Thomson, King, PAUL, and Salsa components. 32x19 or 32x20 gearing depending on the ride/race.
Favorite Race: Burnin at the Bluff
Favorite Ride: Night rides, and anytime we roll Chubb.
Pre-race meal: Kashi hot cereals are good, and lots of coffee.
Post race meal: Beer, stouts and ales.
Training tips: Ride a lot, have fun, and don't be GAYZ0RZ!

M. Storm


2007 Team Photo

Here they are Seagal fans. Your 2007 team roster.
Back Row L to R: Shop Minister, Jack Taggart, Casey Ryback, Dr. Wesely McClaren
Middle: Lt. Col. Austin Travis, Gino Fellino, Marshall Lawson
Front: Mason Storm, Nico Toscani
(Not in photo.. Forrest Taft)


Sightings at State CX Championships

Bet you're sick of seeing all those scantily-clad dudes each time you check this site, amirite?

In spite of many soldiers left behind and much fallen frozen rain, two Team Seagal representatives journeyed beyond the city limits in search of grueling race conditions, located within the Hermann, MO city limits. However, this time it was not for the purposes of participation, but rather, to support those looking to ride their CX bikes really fast in freezing temperatures, in the rain. For the State Championships, the 1's,2's and 3's were combined into one race since there were a grand total of approximately 7 racers. Our good buddy Dave Breslin took 3rd I believe, and was the only badass to NOT get lapped by the first and second place guys, both of whom had locomotive engines for legs. Nice work, Dave.

The hot, punishing action was not only on the race course, but apparently also in the Xmas light displays (this is hilarious - did anyone else notice?):

The government is denying that they are torturing terrorism suspects by forcing them to enter a cyclocross race and run up these stairs on each lap:

Some po' bastids' bike:

This really lifts the spirits as you come through the start/finish:

An interesting occurrence on the caution tape:

Stay tuned - video at eleven!

-C. Ryback



Attn: All Team Seagal members. We will be having our team photo Friday Dec 7th at the RH TC. Please meet there by 8pm, bring your jersey, $5, and some superior attitude. I will be sending off the 2008 sponsor packets that following Monday and will need the $5 from everyone to help pay for shipping, printing, photo paper, etc. See you then.
PS- take some notes from the included picture on what NOT to look like come friday!
M Storm