20081226

Trivia Time!

Greetings loyal Team Seagal Fan! We hope you had a satiating and lucrative Christmas filled with family and food, not filled with broken glass windows, snapped wrists, and explosions. Much like "The Bob's" speaking to Lumberg about Peter in the movie "Office Space," we here at Team Seagal HQ don't think we've challenged you enough. Because of this, we have two pieces of homework for you - a multiple choice question, and a reading assignment.

1) From which Seagal movie did this short monologue come: (And for bonus points, include which former drill-instructor delivered the line?)

"My guy in DC tells me we are not dealing with a student here. We're dealing with a professor. Any time the military has an operation that can't fail they call this guy in to train the troops, okay? He's the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire. You could drop this guy off at the Arctic Circle wearing a pair of bikini underwear without his toothbrush and tomorrow afternoon he's gonna show up at your poolside with a million dollar smile and a fistful of pesos. This guy's a professional, you got me?"

A. Under Siege
B. On Deadly Ground
C. Fire Down Below
D. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory



2) Reading assignment - READ THIS BOOK:

Seagalogy By "Vern"



As of this writing this, I'm on chapter 6, and it might the best book I've ever read. Says New York Magazine: "We can't believe this actually exists, but the world is certainly a better place for it!" I think that this should be the Official Team Seagal Handbook. Systematic and ironically hilarious overview of each of Seagal's movies, plus a liberal use of both footnotes and the word "fuck" make for a must-read. This book gets a 10-out-of-10 Snapped Wrists rating. In fact, I plan on attempting to get this "Vern" guy to join our team on an honorary basis. Interesting note: Amazon has the new versions cheaper than the used ones. Buy this book, or be forever floating in a vast sea of direction-less confusion

Merry Christmas.

-C.F. Ryback

14 comments:

Chris Wurster said...

Just ordered mine before the post Cxmas rush causes this bible to go on back order!

Casey Ryback said...

smart thinking - read up!

Nico Toscani said...

Bonus points and a swift kick to the nuts to the person who names the speakers' "other" most famous role. "You are all a bunch of bitches." - Nico

Doctor said...

I believe the speaker was also the drill instructor on full metal jacket. Where's my kick in the nuts you son of a bitch.

Boz said...

I'll take "R. Lee Ermey" for $500 CFR.

Geez, make the questions challenging next time. BTW, Ermey could kick Seagal's a$$ in hand-to-hand combat anytime. The only time someone bested him was in "Full Metal Jacket" and that was because the nutjob had a gun!!!!

Nico Toscani said...

You bite your tounge there young Bozworth...you have offended my mustache with your blaspheme.

Doctor said...

You don't want to ruffle Toscani's stache, it could be your worst nightmare. I feel the need to let everyone know that on youtube there is an interview with Stephen Seagal in which he claims to be God. There are also a handful of his music videos. Truly amazing stuff on so many levels. Really changed my life.

Marc said...

wow, he really is a whack-job.

El Cavano said...

I just watched Out for a Kill last night.

Seriously, that's some leather coat.

Might be an acquired taste.

LC

Chris Wurster said...

He is god and his bible is Seagalogy. Mine has arrived just in time for a New Year's weekend of ass kicking, wrist snapping reading along with the planned New Year's day singlespeed ride in 6" of fresh snow.

Doctor said...

I especially enjoy his southwest themed coats. They remind me of the rug my grandma had by her back door.

Good luck on your snow ride C-Dubbs. Too bad Stephen Seagal won't be there, if you got cold you could slice him open and crawl inside to stay warm like Luke Skywalker.

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