One This Is For Sure About These Queeny Cyclecross Racers...

They is hungry fo' dollars!

And they wants teh beers!

Nico is all smiles, as usual:

Matt, being the true Belgian that he is, ran across the line after being one of the many dudes to wreck on the treacherous ground:

More photos to comes; I only took pictures of the B and A race, and these are just a handful of the highlights. More here in my album:
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by mattgrothoff

There is PLENTY of CX left this season:

-Herman Bubba/MO Champs double-header next weekend
-CX Nationals the weekend after that
-CXmas the weekend after that
-Cross-Ocalypse after New Years

Holy Fucking Shit! You gotta be a part of it!

-C.F. Ryback


Happy Thanksgiving

Hope all have a great holiday, and if you haven't been out to Chubb lately it is in primo shape! Now go eat some turkey.


Kansas City CX Nationals Course Preview, and CCL Photos

I'm just full of surprises these days. Look what I unearthed - a Youtube video taken from one of the KC Boss Cross Series, and apparently this is supposed to be the Nat's course. Steve Tilford sez it should be a "fitness course" with lots of climbing and open descents. Let's hope there's a shitload of mud and/or snow come game day!

Somes great shots taken from the past weekend, all courtesy of Mike Dawson:

Pfood and Gino snapping the Green Monster's wrist:

I had just come from a job interview straight to the race:

Col. Cockpuncher finds happiness in the sandpit:

If only you could see the xmas lights more brightly:

Santa Boz gave up his 8 tiny reindeer, as they were slowing him down:

The badass announcer man - saweet bathrobe!

The course was dry, but that didn't stop Nico's tighty-whiteys from getting muddy anyway:
Pfood looking mega pro:

Santa in his free time:

Snapping the wrists of all those Shark riders:

- C.F. Ryback


This Just In: Steven Seagal TV Show

I suppose it was only a matter of time before it was his turn for a reality TV show. The difference this time though will be the theme song done entirely with the sounds of snapping wrists, much like the previously posted "snapping bones compilation" on Youtube.


It goes on to say:

According to an A& E press release, the network is "in production on Steven Seagal: Lawman, a new Real-Life series that will chronicle martial arts expert and international film star Steven Seagal's extraordinary life in law enforcement. The series itself will "allow fans to ride shotgun with Seagal as he and his hand-selected elite team of deputies respond to crimes-in-progress. Then, when Seagal goes off-duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures – including musical performances and philanthropic efforts – in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans."

I'm counting down the days until it pops up on TiVo so that I can auto-record the entire series.

- C.F. Ryback


CX Double-Header!

Greetings, loyal Team Seagal Fan! We are well on our way to broadening our path of destruction that is un-sleeping, unwavering, always steam-rolling ahead, smashing that which it wants to smash. As a team, we started off like a sniper, doing one thing and doing it well - endurance mountain bike wrist-snapping. In fact, our official inaugural race was the 2006 24 Hours of Landahl race. Fast forward to now, where there are continuous sightings of Team Seagal soldiers mixing it up in local cyclocross races. We are now more like Steven Seagal's character in "Under Siege" - an Ex-Navy Seal, expert in martial arts, explosives, weapons and tactics, Silver Star, Navy Cross, Purple Heart with Cluster. In other words, we're becoming massive badasses in more and more disciplines.

Jack of all trades, master of none? Screw that, more like supreme masters of all trades, failures at none, and please introduce me to your hot sister.

Night Cross at Creve Coeur Lake has been highly anticipated for a long time. It was written in the Book of Ezekial, 12:2-5, "And yay let all those who possess not-too-skinny tires to mount them unto their rims, and do so not until the sun has set in the sky. They will ride thine bicycles, and do so regardless of atmospheric temperatures, regardless of ridiculous vestments or garb. And there was much gnashing of teeth and gears."

Many of us were deployed to the battle of Night Cross. Nico was all smiles in his Willie McGee/underpants outfit, Gino looking like a retiree in Hawaii with Hawaiian shirt, grass skirt, and lights on his bike were both snapping wrists in the B-Race. The Doctor looking fine in his orange stretch-pants, Mason toting his boom-box, Col. Cockpuncher in his full military dress uniform (which still fits) and I dressed like in my 1972 couch suit with xmas lights on the spokes of the Hyblocross in the C-Race - we looked like a hundred bucks! Santa Claus made an appearance and managed and snapped some wrists as well, though apparently he wasn't in a very giving mood when it came to giving up placings.

Altus cranksets be damned, I was making sure to hand out CXmas cards whilst in the heat of battle. Or rather, the cold of battle, given that the temperatures were below freezing, exemplified by the stupid frozen puddles in the parking lot.

The C and B race might have been the sight of awesome, not-stupid costumes, but the A Race was the placed to find heated battles. And heat sources were hard to come by on the sidelines, but the flood-light generators managed to both heat our hands and probably kill some brain cells from their exhaust. A few of us set up the PBR hand-off zone right after the sand-pit, and in doing so, found several willing recipients - Davey B, Chris Ploch, Anthony Dust (3 or 4 times in a row, one of which he handed off to a fellow racer!!), Devin, and some dude who had obviously had enough and was about ready to pack it in. Many people were confounded that my hands hadn't frozen off due to my lack of gloves, but as it turned out, as long as I continued to obnoxiously ring the bell, my hand would stay warm. And I had a lot of ringing to do in order to counteract the delicious cold beer in hand. How serendipitous. We even got a shout-out by the leopard-print bathrobe-clad announcer! Totally awesorme. Seriously, so much party-like atmosphere was to be had Saturday night, we would have never guessed that we were surrounded by more roadies than mtb'rs. It was grat to see Zach Brace out there kickin' ass and chewin' bubble gum, but I think he wa all out of bubble gum.

Few things were more exciting though, than watching Nate, Josh, Big Pirtle and some dude from KC duke it out on the front of the A race. The KC dude managed to hang on for quite a while, but with those 3 CX masters destroying minds left and right, he was only prolonging the inevitable.

After the morning caffeine, poop, and enough advil to give a horse liver problems, The Doctor, myself, and Ms. Doctor trudged our way back out to the scene of the crime on Sunday. It was decidedly nicer conditions, given the lack of sand, the lack of butt-ass-freezing temperatures, and the lack of 50% of the previous night's attendance. The Doctor displayed a Superior State of Mind worthy of a Steven Seagal movie plot, when he rolled a tire on on the last lap with 75% of the course left to go, but finished the race. I still didn't even come close to passing him, despite having tires that seem to be literally impervious to sliding out on grass. Doesn't matter though, as I've found that I don't really have the "road legs." My "mountain" focused training this year, leading up to a waterfall-shaped "taper" has left me putzing around in the back of the C race with little hope of progress.

Sunday's A Race was another fantastic clash of the titans, with Nate Rice and the same KC dude from last night battling it out for several laps until Nate said " 'Nuff 'a this fuckin' around" and punched the gas for an un-answered breakaway win. Yikes. Does UCI have a test for Arnold Schwarzenegger-legs-transplant?

Davey found himself in a battle to the death with Josh Johnson, and took the sprint at the line!!!oneoneeleven It was simply amazing to watch all the other A games come to the party - Drew Black sed his back was essentially trying to kill itself, but you wouldn't know it from how strong he was riding - he was like the foreman of a hammer factory. Ploch held off a couple of guys who were nipping at his heels, oh man! Scott O. was mashing the pedals at the front of the race as well.

One of the more amusing parts of the festivities on Sunday was watching the roller-bladers, recumbent riders, aero-bar equipped Navigators, and weekend warrior TT'ers stopping by and watching as we were getting absolutely retarded on the sideline. You can't avoid 'em at that place.

We'll see about getting some photos posted up. In the meantime, prepare your mind, you body, and your t'aint for CXmas, Dec. 21. Seriously, don't be a shithead.

And seriously, how did I (we) not get involved with this serious business sooner?

-C. F. Ryback

*EDIT* P.S. - Read this thread. You'll be in tears laughing. At least check out the first page. Trust me.


Night Cross is Coming

Appropriate costume/dress for Night Cross may include but is not limited to the following:

A Dermatophyte

Nick Nolte:

One-Hit Wonder:

A Bottle Opener:

Son of Braveheart - Queerheart:

Spongebob Fat-Pants:

A Jewelry Store:

The Food Chain:

A douchebag/goth:

Just a few helpful suggestions. Night Cross will be awesorme. 6pm - in the main lot of Creve Coeur Lake, by the boat ramps and the restrooms. Be there or be an asshole. Hahahahahaha....

- C. F. Ryback


Bubba Cross at Suson - You need lights when you're that deep into the Pain Cave

Greetings Loyal Team Seagal Fan! Cyclocross is the new mountain bike, and Pain is the new fun! Who'da thunk that a bunch of jackasses that snap wrists all day long on the "hill bike" would jump into CX season, only to mix it up with other like-minded individuals that snap wrists all day long on the road bike? And come to that, who'da thought that such a mild-mannered county park such as Suson Park, home of barnyard animals, a playground (and thus, Robort), would be the scene of such "Heinous Epicnicity?"

First, look at this ridiculous bunny-hopping sequence, starring God! I mean, Ryan Pirtle! Uphill! (Photo courtesy of our own CockPuncher)

Yours Truly's new rig, the HybloCross. Complete with factory sizing sticker (women's 20"), stem-mounted trigger shifter, factory pie plate, factory Altus brakes, and factory Altus cranks, and two-tone bar wrap. Concocted the day before the race:

Nico in the B Race is all smiles! (Courtesy of StLbiking, John Musselman)

Nico after the race - note the hair, that is trying to escape the helmet:

Lt. Col. Austin Travis not knowing pain (Courtesy of StLbiking, John Musselman):

The Doctor is throwing that bike like it was some Emo-bitch in a mosh pit (Courtesy of StLbiking, John Musselman):

Coach, able to lift the bike extra high with the lower top-tube (Courtesy of StLbiking, John Musselman):

CockPuncher with his pain-face on (Courtesy of StLbiking, John Musselman):

Man, why can't we take such badass photos? (Courtesy of StLbiking, John Musselman)

And the Mtb-Gods did battle (Courtesy of StLbiking, John Musselman):

Fallen Soldiers, though they gave their lives for a wonderful purpose (the beer hand-off, pictures to come soon):

I think a lot of people were hoping for more br00tal, grueling conditions, such as those seen at the 2007 MO CX Championships in Hermann. That would have been uber-Belgian, but it's not like the course wasn't already considered to be one of the hardest courses yet this year, what with the big climb, 3 barriers, and plenty of soft, energy-sapping ground.

So you'll be at Night-Cross at Creve Coeur, right? RIGHT? What are you planning on doing otherwise, sitting at home crying?

That's what I thought. See you there.

-C. F. Ryback

Bubba #5

So Bubba #5 was a momentous day in the 2008 Bubba series. Team Seagal showed up in force with a total of 6 warriors ready to do battle. Casey, the Doctor, Cockpuncher, and Lt. Col lined up for the start of the C race.

The team did some major wrist snapping during the race with Lt Col. bringing home 2nd and maybe more had the race not got cut short.

Coach showing the proper way to hurdle a barrier with a ladies frame bike.

The vertically and laterally compliant steed:

Lt Col.

The Doctor


Nico and myself, Gino, lined up to do battle in the B race. Nico had just moved up after regularly podiuming in the C race. He needed to find some fresh wrists.

Me digging deep against the pain that course dished out, churning over tacky mud over and over again in the lowers.

I finished 14th with Nico right behind at 16th. 1-2 among the singlespeeds.

Now for the part of the race you heard your mother talking about to your aunt Linda over the phone... Did it really happen? Yes it did. At least twice:

Alas that was not enough for Ryan. With just a couple of laps to go Nate Rice just took off. Instant gap and grew it all the way to the end. From what I hear no one has seen Nate since with many believing he has been undergoing a constant barrage of tests to verify that he really is human.

For the more human among us Team Seagal has got your back.

The race was so painful we even witnessed one A racer ride around the uphill barrier. We've decided to protect his identity and refer to him as Lartin Mang.

Complete galleries here and here.

Night Cross at Creve Coeur is going to be AMAZING! Better be ready.