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The Cure for the Common (race) Cancellation - A Day at Middlefork

Greetings Loyal Team Seagal Fan! Now I know that you are probably mourning/lamenting the news that the Sears Tower is changing names, which is why I have a glorious tale to tell recount which is sure to bring you a tear of joy (or a tear of fart-induced eye-watering.)

With Nico and The Good Doctor having completed a double Berryman (or a "Goscinski") the day prior and a penta-lap at Lost Valley today, and with the much-anticipated BoneBender Race 3/6hr Race cancelled, some of us decided to attack Middlefork instead. A truly baller grouping of riders both fast and super-fast was assembled for a full-frontal assault on the OT. Myself (Casey F. Ryback) Gino Felino, and Mason Storm met Christian, Keeven, and Stacey at the DD/32 trailhead for some primo hill bikin', and then, of course, Dos Primos. That was the plan.


First of all, you need to understand that the journey *to* this Potosi-area trail system is NEVER boring. Case in point:

Mulleted Mason in the parking lot shows off the new spoils from our sponsor - Pint Pabsts > 12oz Pabsts:
Next up, while driving south on 141 through Fenton, we were passed by a squirrel. Oh yes, he's alive:
The last interesting thing to show on the journey *to* the trail itself (we hadn't started pedaling yet) was a pair of underpants found hanging from a bush next to the parking lot. I think they are Furby's from that time he was assaulted by Robort. Needless to say, free underpants!
(btw, I don't subscribe to sunglasses over the helmet straps. Over earband, fine.)

We were off with a long, badass day of destiny awaiting us. Middlefork is a *PRIME* example of truly epic trail design with the mountain bike in mind. The climbs hurt, but they don't require you to redline if you don't want to. The descents are your incredible reward, as they could be considered some of the best in the state. One after another, they are a fucking BLAST to rip down! They are lengthy, with perfectly-constructed switchbacks that sneak up and keep you on your toes, and have yet to see any signs of erosion. I can't stress the "epicnicity" of the descents enough.

The day started off in the mid-upper 30's, and peaked in the upper 40's, with the sun showing up nicely. Prime weather, coupled with the kind of trail conditions that you dream about all through the winter. A perfect day for t'aint-snapping.

Mason led out for the first couple miles at a Bronson-Esque Pace (*a pace that puts the hurt down), showing off his superior attitude and superior state of mind when descending. We soon settled into our paces with Keeven and Gino scouting out the trail ahead for the rest of us.

Some shots from the front lines:



Mason has a bladder the size of a hub-bearing, as he had to stop about 1o^8 times:
Look at that groomed trail!!!

Camera mount for the group shot:
Farthest point out - Christian, Me, Gino, Mason, Keeven:
Gino with the steri-pen:
Mason:
Christian:

In between hocking up couple of gallons of delicious lung butter, passing multiple murder-houses, hot-boxing the car in a Dos Primos-fueled jenkem-esque stench, and coping with trench-foot, we managed to squeeze out a victory for those who ventured down, and are now that much stronger. Middlefork Assault 3/14/09 - Success!

Anyone available for a ride in the next few days? Monday/tuesday/wed? Let's get something planned out.

I want to party with this guy, btw:
Dog to man: "You gonna eat that?"

Seriously, let's plan a badass ride.

I leave you with words from Turbonegro: We're back, back in denim - 'cuz denim put the soul in your rock 'n roll.

-Casey F. Ryback

7 comments:

Matt said...

Woah, didn't know you bras rode with lightsabers.

Brian said...

I don't wear underwear.

I spied Ploch, Goscinski, Best, Double D, and Mitch whatshisface honing their skills on the OT section that runs from The Berryman to Council Bluff. It was in kickass shape.

Marc said...

I like how it looks like Hoffmeyer's back of head/neck has a beard that matches his face. He should really shave the corresponding back of his head area to tattoo some eyes. He could be his own twin.

Doctor Goscinski said...

Storm's mullet is truly a work of art. My mullet is humbled and awed in it's presence. He makes those tall boys look right at home. middlefork is awesome. berryman is also awesome. The Ozark trail system is amazing.

Mitch the Masher said...

I could sense the presence of other enlightened souls while getting "Goscinskied" on Saturday. My butt hurts!

Boz said...

Dude, those shorts can probably be turned into some jenkem! Were they heavily soiled???

Casey Ryback said...

It was hard to tell if they were butt-soiled, or soiled with actual earth-soil. Needless to say, they were crawling with stripper aids, ebola, and brain cancer.