Syllamo's Revenge 2009: No More 68 Camaro

For all of you waiting, we here at Team Seagal have finally been authorized to inform you all of this past weekends goings at the 2009 Syllamo's Revenge. Being the bunch of jerks that we are we don't have any pictures to show from this trip. They still haven't been declassified (or taken) so you all are going to have use whatever brains you've got and do a little imagining. Just don't think too hard.

The Team Seagal transports left town at varying times throughout the day to keep our enemies at bay. Nicorn and I (Gino) left in the am followed by Masorn and Doctor in the later pm. Of course Nico and I were the first to make it to team headquarters for the weekend assault on the trails of Syllamo:

Held within this cabin is the worlds largest collection of horrible John Wayne movies. However they can be the perfect trial to see which teammates can outlast the others for a delicious helping of finishers crowns.

Back to the mission at hand: leaving a trail of snapped wrists along the Syllamo Trail System. We headed to the race start a little before 7 and parked next to the STL crew of Christian Stitz and Matt Keevan. After a racers meeting held in front of the best Chevy pickup wrapped with the giant head of an insurance agent/race promoter ever, we made our way to the start line and got ourselves some good spots up front and center. At the start, John Matthews turned right as we all started to go left. And this was before his unfortunate cabeza to ground impact later in the morning. Start line mayhem behind us, we made our way down the pavement to the opening salvo of the mile long gravel climb. At the base your Team Seagal heroes shifted down, oh wait, no we just pedaled harder and made our way up that climb. Dwayne repeated last year and made it into the singletrack first way in front of the rest of us, dancing on his singlespeed. I chased up and squeezed in 3rd in front of Furhman with Nico several spots back, the Doctor several spots behind him, and Mason doing some slow grind wrist-snapping behind the Doctor.

From the singletrack start on, its 48 miles of no holds barred mountain bike racing. Big rocks, sharp rocks, slimy rocks, mud, muddy rocks, fast flowing streams, incredibly flowy trail, tight turns to rip, stairs to climb, and giant holes from fallen trees to run around. Yes this past winter's ice storm did a number on parts of the Syllamo trail system, but our singlespeed steeds care nothing about a few sticks littering the trail snapping though them like the sound of so many broken wrists. Plus we had our finely honed dismount and remount skills accumulated during a fall of CX racing.

There were flats encountered, derailleurs ripped off, chains sucking and snapped, hard crashes to the ground, and rocks to run over in Keen sandals. Yep that's rights racing in sandals. The most ballerific rider out there was Arkansas native Clayton Bell tearing it up in SPD sandals on a bright green Niner singlespeed. Insane.

For the Team Seagal crew Syllamo's Revenge 2009 was mission accomplished, but in the pre-2001 sense of the phrase. You know, we actually did something. We're still waiting official results, but here's the basics: Mason knocked almost an hour of his time last year in this years much tougher conditions. Nico took home fifth in singlespeed (possibly season SS champion in the Arkansas MTB Marathon Series) and a top 20 overall. The doctor battled back from 2 flats to finish a little behind Nico. I came in eighth overall and 3rd in singlespeed.

Anyone got a fireplace mantle I can rent out?

STL came to party as is now tradition at Syllamo's with Ploch, Matthews (nasty crash and all), Mitch, man no one could touch Dwayne, Scotty, Zach, Christian and numerous others all finishing strong. And props to Keeven for ripping it for two hours, fully rigid, before the stitches in his hand gave way.

So how does one celebrate a day on a trail like syllamos? Well killing a cooler full of delicious Pabst followed by a little bit of mexican food with some fellow trail conquerers sounds like a plan to me. 2010 Syllamo's Revenge- I'm ready now!

So has anyone seen my sunglasses? Last seen around a blue Nissan Sentra somewhere in Northern Arkansas.

UPDATE: Results are posted. Nico officially got 16th overall, the Doctor was 9th in SS, and Mason was 15th in SS.


Team Trail Monster said...

Congrats on a another awesome showing!

Marc said...

Great write up Greg! You guys did awesorme. Way to go STL.
On a side note, I am still waiting on official results from Saturday's 6 hr solo. What I do know is that mtb'd over 75 miles on a undergeared SS in 5:45. What I don't know is if I cracked the top 3.

Christian Stitz said...

What a blast. Nice work Seagulls.

CockPuncher said...

Congrats to all. Man I wish I could have joined you guys! Maybe next year, jerks. Gino, that is one awesorme chunk of rock, man.

Casey Ryback said...

First off, my prayers for immense thunderstorms DURING the race went unanswered as I sat at work, crying all day. Lucky mother fuckers. Secondly, nice work to all jerks snapping massive wrists all day long. Thirdly, excorlent write-up, Gorg! Fourthly, nice work Morc on a 6 hr Solo effort!

To quote Jerk-ward, "you're all a buncha bitches."

Mason Storm said...

Rain or Shine CFR we would have still been in ARK, and your bitch ass would have still been at work! Put in your request off now, and if you miss it for a 3rd year in a row just kill yourself. Syllamo's is by far my favorite race, and one of these years it will be dry! I am calling it now fellas....sub 6:30 for Mr. Storm in 2010!!!

Dr Goscinski said...

We came, we saw, Gino conquered. Nice job buddy. That is my new favorite race. The trail system is amazing and there were a ton of the StL people there. Kick ass

Scott said...

Eat shit you fuckin fuckers... Seriously, Fuck you. Thanks for the PBR's and the plug. Now I just need to write my own report...

Again, Fuck off and nice job everyone, impressive representation from the area. Cant wait to do it again.


Scott said...

Boy was my beer doing some heavy talking for me last night....

Brian said...

You said "last night" and the time/date stamp shows a two day gap between posts. I love it.

Way to represent for the Mizzo my Seagal cuzzos. Greg's result is hardcore...plus he can read and write. I'm telling all of the girls in my family about him and his exploits.

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