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Mr. Jones: "Ahh, man." Craig: "Hey dad. What happened to you?" Mr. Jones: "I got bit in the ass today son, by a stinkin' ass filthy dog."

It's Friday. Many greetings to all you jerks out there. I am Nico Toscani, we will discuss the title of this post in just a minute here. First, I better come clean...I am the one who skipped town without finishing the Rhett's Run post. That race was really rad and some cool shit went down, most important of which is documented in the new header photo located just above these words. Kickin' Ass up there on his Big Unit is newly acquired team member Jonathan Cold. Team Seagal's first pick in the 2008 draft, Mr. Cold spent the past several months in our farm system under close supervision of Team Physician, Wes McLaren, MD. Administrating a restricting regime of Chubb Monday's and fine Chinese Herbs, Dr. has cultivated in young Jonathan an insatiable desire to distribute wrist carnage throughout the beginner class. Last Sunday June the seventh young Jonathan lined up for his third ever race and went ahead did exactly what we told him to do: he snapped every damn wrist he encountered on his way to becoming MWFTS Missouri State Champion!

Rhett's Run was tempting enough attract four other Seagal soldiers and one Robort to its various starting lines as well. Myself, Gino Felino, and Cock Puncher signed up in the Team Seagal Class while Doctor and Robort raced their SS's in the endurance category. Thank you to the ninja photographers [that we never saw] who took the following baller photos of your favorite heroes administering destruction throughout their respective race classes. Team Seagal fan please take note, the '09 kits have arrived!

Start of the SS Race. I got a nice jump at the start and entered the singletrack in great position.



'Puncher in Pursuit



XTR DR is totally Rad



Gino/ #3 punched someone in the foot with his face just before this one



This is Jonathan Cold's Wrist Snappin' Machine, aka HOG JAWS



Finally, here are all the big dogz lined up for the PRO/expert race:



Those photos were grrrrreart! Now I want you to know what was so important that it kept me from finishing my blog post. Me, my Dr. friend, and Jonathan Cold got up in the early am hours and drove for nine hours until we were deep into the interior of good ol' Rocky Top. Knoxville, TN is where we finally stopped our car in order to have our minds melted by some of this:





The following day it took another nine hours to return ourselves safely back to within Missouri state lines. It was really good for me to return to my own bed, I slept great and when I woke up and it was Friday. I determined an easy ride on my new Kona Major One would be awesome, perhaps leaving me feeling good and ready to kick some ass at work later on in the PM. I pedaled into Forest Park and had rattled off a few 4.5 mile FoPo Century Laps before I ran into Davey B, aka PRO-as-they-come Rhett's Run champion. We jumped on the bike path and chilled out until we hit his exit and he left the park for work. I continued on alone and soon came up on a woman walking her dog. She was within her lane and her medium-sized, mixed-breed dog was certainly leashed. I moved over a lane and began to ride around them, but was met with much resistance. The woman glanced over her shoulder and thought I was 'coming in hot.' She totally freaked out, yanked on her dog's collar and pretty much sicked his ass on my ass! No shit, as I swerved around them he got a piece of me drawing blood and tearing my shorts:



I was pretty rattled and the woman immediately starting blaming the incident on me for not calling "on your left" soon enough. I guess she could not hear my smooth-ass SS drivetrian as I approached and then resorted to desperate measures when she realized her frail wrists were about to be snapped. Either way, work was pretty cool and I am going to BBQ braquitos tomorrow with D to the R at the T.C. Man. PEACE!

8 comments:

Casey Ryback said...

Sounds like that bitch needs to keep her goddamn dog under control - where the fuck does she think she is?! It's a MULTIUSE PATH! Does she expect to have every person call "on your left" without fail?

In other news, so it looks like you, Dr. and young Jonathan went to Tennessee to see what would immediately cause my suicide - a Phish concert. *shudder.*

Btw, where'd my post go?

Doctor said...

Phish was amazing, so much so that Nico and I are returning on tuesday at the fabulous Fox to have whats left of our minds blown. I believe Mr Boston "fast ass mofo" Bling is making this one too. Holy shit, it's going to be a good one.

Casey Ryback said...

you guys are about one shower short of (one shower too many?) a fucking hippy commune.

Doctor said...

I haven't showered since the PHISH show, that's somewhere in the 3 day range. I think someone slipped something in my drink, very similar to jenkem, at least the smell anyway. Wash your hands if you come to TC man, man.

Marc said...

Why should the Dr. shower? It isn't like they take anyway.

Anonymous said...

NICE to see that the SEAGAL dudes are total Phish phans!

Saw ya'll at the 12 Hours of Muir, I raced 6 duo, thanks for the PBR golf towel!

David Thomas
Team Twin Six

Marc said...

Dave, make sure you check out the team seagal milwaukee blog teamseagalmke.blogspot.com

Althotas said...

Phuck Phish!

Here are my requirements for a concert:
1.Music has to be EVIL as fuck.
2.There is at least one inverted cross on display.
3.The Marshall stack is bigger than the venue.
4.A relentless inferno of pyrotechnia that terrorize the heavens. (even attendees furthest from the stage feel like they stuck there face in the oven)
5.Black spiked leather!!!
6.A good chance you will be covered in blood conjured forth by vomit.
6.In dealing with the aftermath, venue decides to make some amendments to the rules. (now that's a show)
6.CORPSE PAINT!!!