"Streaks on the china, never mattered before, who cares." The Major One Shakedown. Sponsored by Team Trail Monster.
Crossing the river
1st Katy Trail rest area.
Katy Trail video
Camp Trail Monster
"Calling all Chinamen, Calling all Chinamen"
Storm's Major One
Where is my BEER!
Nico reading up on the fairer sex.
Little Trail Monster Sydney
Jim, Storm, and Nico before heading back home.
The Daniel Boone Judgement tree
Some Katy scenes
Crossing the river.
Thanks again to TTM for making the 1st Major One Shakedown a truly amazing ride and evening!
MC Stankle's No Ankles just barely squezzing his Massive Kankles through the tight terrain.
2009 Champ Mitch doing what he does best.
LC getting his switchback on.
Peat rode his SS to the race, killed it, and then rode home. Truly Awesorme!
Forrest Taft cleaning one of the switchbacks on his first try for the first time ever! Dreams really can come true at our Non-Races.
Insert young boy joke here.
Dan Miller coming from Columbia to ride his favorite trail and making it look easy.
Brian only needs one gear and some big hoops to get the job done!
This video pretty much sums up the entire day. I have only seen 2 people ever ride up the "Stairs". Both times happened at the Non-Race, Both riders ended up the winner, and both are totally solid doodz. Don't Suck and we will see you at the 3rd annual Chubb Challenge Mitch vs Christian 2010!
Now down to business. Greetings Loyal Team Seagal Fan! Another Thursday has come and gone, and that means another expedition deep into the Pain Cave. Just when you think that you've explored every nook and cranny of that cave, another race comes along that leads you into a whole new chamber of pain. Yeah - a Chamber of Pain, or C.O.P. This was one of those races. This was also one of those races that saw a lot of badass first-timers mixing it up and snapping some wrists on a freshly laid-out course, courtesy of Schuck.
Between the creek crossing, the super high intensity of the racing, and the extra-slick surface of the grass from the light rain we had, there were skulls being smashed all over the course, and many racers begging the armed park ranger to put them out of their misery. Well, that is slightly stretching the truth, but only slightly.
The order came down from HQ that two of our soldiers be sent to the front lines of the A-Race to enter into glorious battle. Gino Felino, and also the good Dr. Wesley McLaren, who was making his 2009 Dirt Crit debut. Doctor nearly did not make his debut, instead choosing to be fashionably late. (If fashion were based on one's lack of punctuality, our good Doctor would be Calvin fucking Klein.) Doctor also needed some drivetrain swapping, which I was able to take care of while he proceeded to change and get registered. I soon found out though that something was missing. A crucial part - his quick release skewer. Fortunately, being the Patron Saint of Resourcesfulness that I am, I scavanged a QR skewer from my own race bike. I'm also the Mechanic Monarch, and his last-minute rebuild carried Doctor all the way through the race, and into infamy.
Gino, coming in SECOND in the A Race on his SINGLESPEED, BITCHES! It's actually more like first, when you understand that Chris is pretty much untouchable. (Anyone talked with Pirtle, lately? Perhaps give him some competition?)
Doctor, finishing off any survivors left behind by Gino's blitzkrieg:
An Eastor Bike was spotted on course, as well - with a massive gear that can only be ridden well with muthuh fuckin' Kankle Power:
Next up was the B Race, and it was solely up to me, Casey F. Ryback, to snap wrists in this category. Once I was able to safely attached my rear wheel to my bike again, I ran to the line just in time for the opening sprint through the field. Speaking of, I would like to know what was going on in the head of the guy who nearly took out like 5 people as he recklessly zig-zagged his way through the opening sprint at twice the speed of everyone else, only to "tokyo-drift" through the first corner, one-foot-unclipped style. Didn't even get the hole shot, and *could* have safely passed all those people into whom he risked sliding, on the first open straightaway. Was that a show for the crowd, or his idea of getting to the front? Great tactics during a training race, especially since he's a strong enough rider that he was so far off the front of anyone else, that he wasn't even in sight.
With that opening ridiculousness out of the way, my thoughts turned to destruction, and lots of it. I managed to stay upright the entire time, and only had to dismount at the creek once when people ahead of me popped it into granny to climb out, which then lead to lots of fail. Don't know the official results just yet, but I believe I've cracked the top ten. Baller. It would have been moar baller though had I been able to re-pass Peat, since he passed me while still be able to speak, no problem. I don't remember what he said, but I'm pretty sure it was something like "I'm a huge jerkface that goes super fast even though you wouldn't guess it from looking at me!"
Former TC Man man, Andy, also making his 2009 Dirt Crit debut:
1st and 2nd place (thanks laura for the photo)
Seen in the parking lot - Robort's dream van, despite being without "Save Me" windows (thank you Ms. Ryback for that phrase):
(not pictured: the mind-blowingly sweet colored lights that went along the roof and wheel wells)
My reaction was like this when hearing that Gino had wrist-snapped his way into 2nd place:
See you jerks Sunday.
Backdoor no babies,
-Casey F. Ryback
First up this coming Sunday 7/19 is the 2nd Annual Chubb Challenge. Get some sticky rubber on your bike (this kind, not this kind) and come out and see who else has trouble cleanly clearing that section of trail that is your nemesis. Be humbled and amazed at what some of the riders can do, and see that line you never thought of.
Hang out on the trail with us for a few hours and have some fun. No high HRs, and snapped wrists only by request. Afterwards stick around for grilled food stuffs and some delicious PBR.
Start Time 12pm
Location West Tyson Upper parking lot
How Much?! FREE, but please feel free to donate $1 to help me cover our coveted spokecard cost.
. Disclaimer* All Non-Races are determined/governed/subject to the weather. We won't hold it if it's crappy and/or muddy. Dates subject to change, so pay attention.
The order came from the Team Seagal War Room, located deep within Mount Energor that has air filters in case of the dreaded jenkem attack from CFR; the order being to dispatch 3 worthy soldiers and one honorary soldier to tonight's race. And it was so.
Gino was our lone soldier valiantly smashing dreams and tearing souls apart in the A Class. Unfortunately for him, Buddy read off new USAC (hehehe, you sack) rules prior to the starting gun. These rules stated that it is now illegal to use "Wildey" in a race, mainly because "it makes a real mess:"
So without the use of Wildey, Gino was to rely simply on his finely-tuned wrist-snapping abilities. No problem. A shot of Gino at the height of demonification:
That bike behind him is actually leaning against a recently-dispatched racer-corpse that he left to rot in the sun. No time to stop and clean up the mess. (thanks to stlbiking "Rob" for this photo)
Once the A field was laid to waste, it was time to unleash the fury upon the B Race, a task that was set to two soldiers due to the sheer size of the B field (a size that could be evened out with the A race by having some of the top repeat-B racers cat up where they belong...) So it was set, the Great Puncher of Cocks and myself, Casey F. Ryback were strategically placed within the B-field ranks in places that would allow for the most amount of death and destruction to be wreaked.
My mind was set for destruction, after a long, heavy day of paying my respects to the soon-to-be-closed TC Man. Many a day was spent there, and today was spent grilling delicious tubular meats, cleaning my bikes, and playing a few holes of TC Man Golf. The high point of the day being when some hopeless 20 year old came in asking if they were hiring, only to find all four TC Man Golfers unable to hold in their laughter since the place is only going to be open for 2 more days. We considered hiring him for 2 days simply to clean the toilet and de-stink-ify the bathroom that has endured 20+ years of domination that I can't even imagine. It shall be missed, in the same way you miss your beloved shitbox of a first car from high school.
So back to the B Race. Guest Badass Mark Laytham sent us off in a flurry of slipped pedals and poorly-executed heavy-torque upshifts. Guns were a'blazin' as we formed quite the man-train in a counter-clockwise fashion towards the dreaded creek crossing. As we progressed through the creek, surveillance photos were taken of our heros:
Peat narrowly escaped an untimely fate here.
'Puncher was given specific instructions not to, ahem, "dispatch" with this fellow racer, as he is actually a friend of mine from 'way back competing in his first(?) race. So instead he decided to blow his mind by showing him the most badass-looking kit and badass-performing bike on course (same as Gino) - the Muthuh Fucking Big Unit.
Demonstrating how to "look where you want to go, not where you don't want to go"
(thanks to Ms. Ryback for these last three pics)
Of course, this awesome race series is just as much about being able to be out socializing with fellow badasses as it is about racing, and therefore afterwards there was much in the way of beer-swizzling and watching and then laughing as 1/2 of Team Trail Monster pulled a hardcore-wheelie-turned-hilarious wheelie across the finish line, only to land straight on his backside, thus destroying the saddle. Fantastic.
If only there was moar sunlight. Oh well, I'll just take advantage of the poorly-timed caffeinated drink that I consumed after the race to type this race report on my new keyboard:
This totally makes my internets moar baller.
This weekend we are dispatching troops BOTH to Sac River for the Midwest Fat Tire race down there, AND up to Wisconsin to join forces with Team Seagal MKE to participate in the newest installment in the WEMS Series, the Levis/Trow 100:
Me? I'll be living my life as a bike shop employee all weekend. Read an accurate description of that here. So yeah, I won't be in Colorado, Wisconsin, or Springfield. *sniffle*
The "F" is for "fucking,"
-Casey F. Ryback
p.s. - stay tuned for the our up-coming non-race schedule.
I want this to be my driver's license photo:
Dirt Crits Thursday! The only acceptable excuses for not racing is:
-You are doing a 50/100 mile race on Saturday in Wisconsin and need the rest (Nico and Mason)
-You are doing a race elsewhere in the city at the same time, specifically at Penrose Park
-You broke your entire body at last week's Dirt Crits
-You are Steven Seagal himself
Otherwise, be there or be L7.
-Casey F. Ryback
If this photo offends you, our lawyers have informed us to advise that you do not look at it.
Actual photos to come, I'm sure. Huge, badass turnout. Also, my idea to race an old vintage bike that is old-as-dirt seems to be wearing off on others - there were at least 2 or 3 other old, stupid bikes. There was also an fairly sizable number of spectators! Thanks to all involved, and sorry about all those snapped wrists that were left on the trail.
Middlefork this Sunday. See previous post!
-Casey F. Ryback
EDIT: Actually overheard by Gino after the C race from one racer to another: "I'd shake your hand but I just threw up on it."