This One's for Mitch

Good Day Jerks, The Author today is Jerkward. A few weeks back at RIM I soiled my reputation with one of my cycling heroes, Mitch the Masher. I had a strange day, registering only half as many laps as the other 12 hour solo riders I was there t0 compete with. My day in the woods ended early by my own accord [before the rain came] as I retreated to the comfort of Coarches' amazing, awning-equipped chair and drank delicious PBR beside an imaginary fire with Drewby. Funny thing is, the 12 hour solo class was divided into age brackets and I was the only rider registered in "29 & Under" class - I ended up winning dank swag for a schwag performance. Lucky me. Anyway, I took some time off after that and did no riding (except commuting) for like 10 days. Instead I went running in Forest Park like a real Jerk. Next, I contacted my Coach friend and borrowed from him an effective new tool just released by Park Tools, the VGS-12 Vagi** De-Sander. I plugged it in and just went-to-town. Riding long distances became more and more comfortable as the sand disappeared, just like the instructions indicated. This morning, after a breakfast of crowns and home-made omelets, I went to plug in the VGS-12 and to my surprise all the sand was gone. I drove to Chubb and out came three laps of Chubby goodness, each starting at the Lone Elk trailhead, connecting down the connector in order to ascend Flint Quarry and return back to Lone Elk for refueling. I am tired now, it is time to enjoy dinner part 2, which includes a brand-new box of Golden Grahams and more than one type of ice cream. Thanks for stopping by, all aboard you jerks, the D9 Bulldozer is the next objective and I [like Coach] predict pain.

- Nico Toscani

Garmin Connect - Activity Details for Triple Chubb


Doctor said...

thank Energor for Parks VGS12. I had to use it myself about two weeks ago, but now, without the sand, I can ride all day. Holy shit Jerkward is a jerk! (and the second Seagull to triple chubb)

CockPuncher said...

Jerkward, a great saga indeed. A triple Chubb whilst I was busy hauling my sandy-vag down to Dallas for work. One word: Gayzors. Holy FUCK it's almost 'cross season & I'm going to get killed!

Marc said...

Ah yes, I have been there myself recently. After the Blue Mound 6hr it was clear that my get up and go had gotten up and went.
But hey, cx is only an hour long. How tough could that be?

Team Trail Monster said...

Holy Shit! I pre-crashed the CX season last night in Alton! If your goin' bring ur climbing gear. The hills they forgot on the Herman course have been found. Please send me the Vaginator! The face plant dismount will require several hours of deep de-vagn' to get me back on the bike. The "MahjoR" has now presented me with a new benchmark for pain and I soiled my new kit.

Bob Jenkins said...

Disappointing indeed....Here I am telling all these phuckers, " Holy shit, I saw Nico Toscani do like 2 warm up laps before he crushed the 12 hour RIM Job," and now I find out you quit before the rain... A tear rolls down my cheek.

CX is gonna be so awesome, see you guys this weekend at the Bearcat!

Mitch the Masher said...

Next time I'll just lounge with you!