20100107

Night + Snow + Friends = Moar Fun

Greetings Members of the Royal Order of Team Seagal Fans! Riding off-road in the snow, while snow is falling, after dark, with lots of people, is a rare occurrence. And when that opportunity presents itself, you must answor teh call of teh wild. There is just as much prep that goes on in order to make it happen, what with all them fancy lights, tons of thermal clothing, tube/pump, tools, trying to keep your water from freezing, driving an hour in 4 wheel drive to get there while avoiding other poor bastards on the side of the road... it's a miracle we made it.

I embarked on one such adventure Wednesday night, with the promise of white stuff coming down during the ride. I met with Mashor at his lair, from which we embarked in the direction of Lost Valley. We met several jerks out there, and there were less than 10 in our party who were going to be using the Lost Valley land. Those who were able to peel themselves away from watching Girlfriends on the CW that night were treated to a white blanket covering the Mound lot. Mashor, myself, D-wayne, Vandeevan, B-squared (Brian Busken), 1/2 of The Holtmans, Mr. Bock, and of course, our very own Lawman.

While man-training through the fantastically-expanded singletrack, we did pass a surprising number of other like-minded individuals. We also discussed how the new singletrack that has been added (and rutted, thanks to the owner of $80K Z06 'Vette, gold chain, and a combover) will very much change the dynamics of the Lost Valley Luau. We also wondered just why old trails have to be completely closed-off when new trails are built. Oh well. We also rode some supersecret downhills.

We watched, with great anticipation, Lawman come down a section of bench-cut singletrack in Lost Valley, (the descent that drops you to the rock-armored creek) and then laughed as he hit the deck on an invisible patch of off-camber, glossy-smooth ice. We had all paused across the creek and watched him, only his headlight was visible, and when he went down, it was as if a prophecy was fulfilled. This is because there was absolutely no way we could do anything about it - we had all hit the ice, and we were trying to warn him. Bam!

Halfway through the ride, responsibility kicked in for some, and a desire for more wrist-snapping kicked in for the rest, as myself, Mashor, D-wayne, Jim and Jeremy headed out once more for a grand total of a little over 24 miles and 4 hours. Bam! Over 2400' of powdery, track-laying climbing.

Definitely worth skipping Lawman for (thank god for DVRs, though!)



4 hours of snow coming through the helmet vents, while only wearing an earband:


Thanks to Masson for lending me his lights, they lasted the whole time!

-Casey F. Ryback

18 comments:

CockPuncher said...

Tough as nails! Well done Crotch and Lawman! Meanwhile I, with my heavily-sand-packed vag rode the trainor for about an hour then enjoyed a brief discussion with an Asian fellow & drank some Sweetgrass IPA from Grand Teton Brewing. I did, however, watch Lawman, so I had that goin' for me, which is nice. All in all not a bad night, but not as good as yours. Jerks!

Dan said...

The chinamen is not the issue issue here punchor.

Crotch and lawman, that sounds/looks fun as shite. bocomo got 5-6in of snow...tried to ride the mountain bike on the trail this morning and it pretty much sucked. went home after 10 minutes and rode the trainer for an 1:40. oh sweet masochism.
damn jerks.

TeamSeagal said...

I rode a trainor once, then I traded that trainor for a 24 pack of Budweiser. I'm not joking.

-CFR

TeamSeagal said...

Oh yeah, and I think that Budweiser was expired.

-CFR

Peat said...

Looks like Frosty sat on your head.

Dan said...

that was probably back when they had those sweet frog commercials huh? Man, those were sweet.

Mitch the Masher said...

Most fun I've had on a bike in a while. I've got a trainer, I use it to prop my rollers up and keep them from falling over in the closet. Thanks to all that made it, whether out of your own interest or our threats of public humiliation for pussing out.

Dwayne and Jim drove over an hour into the snow to ride with us and drive home at midnight with shitty roads, studs.

I bet it hurt, but that was funny as shit watching Lawman go down! Always a blast.

Anonymous said...

crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?

Casey Ryback said...

Excellent question, random anonymous commenter. Regarding how the credit "cruch" as affected the porn industry, I don't believe it has been negatively affected. I mean, who still pays for porn? If your still charging people for porn, your time in that industry is limited. And if you are still paying for porn, then you need to step into the present - this isn't the 80's with VHS tapes...

But then, I don't produce porn either, so I can't answer to that specifically. I would love to hear from an industry insider on this. Have there been porn-star "layoffs?" I think the term "layoff" also refers to something else...

Anyway, this is a good conversation we're having, regarding the plight of the porn.

LAWMAN said...

I knew something was up when I rounded that switchback headed for the waterfall crossing. I could see lights lined up about about every 10 feet along the contour of the ridge across the giant crevasse of darkness. I should have known something was up as this was the first time I had seen the others on the ride since they dropped me on the flats to the creek. I hearded a muffled chuckle as if Robort had just trapped a young lad in the corner of the shoe room, then a stinging and burning sensation to my right side as lights flashed in the murkey night treetops, is it aliens?..no dumbass...get up. Laughtor rose from the distant hillside as I clammored to my ice skate like cleats and wobbled on down the trail. A voice calls out from the darkness..."Hey watch out for the ice." If not for my Superior Attitude and Superior State of Mind and reality altering pre-ride conversation with 3 gifted chinamen I would still be there, tangled in the briars and buried under a white fluffy blanket of cold.

Perfect night for a chase scene in the darkness. The new section of LV trail is super cool in the dark with a group ride. Many places to see other riders strung out along the trail, almost like the MCT without the crack whores.
Studded tyres for sure next lap.

Doctor said...

Coarch,

Jonathan Cold and I have recently returned to our respective homes from the city of sin, Las Vegas. During our stay there was a porn convention in our hotel, Lori was on the elevator one morning only to find her self in said elevator with none other than Ron Jeremy. Judging by the fanciness of the hotel they were having their convention in, I think there is still a fair amount of money in that industry. In Hunter Thompson's last book he discusses the porn industry briefly as he was at one time the night manager of the infamous O'Farrell Theater in San Francisco. He states that the porn industry makes over 10 billion dollars a year, more than the profits of Coke and Pepsi combined.I think that Porn and Alcohol are probably pretty resistant to the economic "cruch" than a lot of other businesses.

Doctor said...

Coarch,

Jonathan Cold and I have recently returned to our respective homes from the city of sin, Las Vegas. During our stay there was a porn convention in our hotel, Lori was on the elevator one morning only to find her self in said elevator with none other than Ron Jeremy. Judging by the fanciness of the hotel they were having their convention in, I think there is still a fair amount of money in that industry. In Hunter Thompson's last book he discusses the porn industry briefly as he was at one time the night manager of the infamous O'Farrell Theater in San Francisco. He states that the porn industry makes over 10 billion dollars a year, more than the profits of Coke and Pepsi combined.I think that Porn and Alcohol are probably pretty resistant to the economic "cruch" than a lot of other businesses.

CockPuncher said...

Doctor,

I agree that Lori's run in with "The Hedgehog" is worthy of a double post. Well done. I neglected to tell you of possibly the greatest Vegas dive bar and PBR dealer, The Double Down Saloon. Look it up. Not what it once was, but still full of debauchery. And murals. And bras & panties. They don't have 24/7 "vintage" porn on the tv's anymore, but sometimes that's not such a bad thing.

Jerkward, Holy Fucking Shit (HFS) your new steed shall be a sight to behold. Props to Mr. Fellet. I am loving the color and the sparkly paint. In China We Trust....Punchor

CockPuncher said...

By the way, at what part of the stadium is your brick located? And, does it say something cheezy?

Nico Toscani said...

Good day to Doktor and Crotch and Punchor. The brick says...Eddie Klein, The Heat is On. It is lorcorted on the East side orvf the stadiorm alorngside Broadwor.

The Fellet Brazed is tough to not look at when it is located in the same room as you.

Mitch the Masher said...

What's with the derailleur hanger?

Energor said...

Mitch, the derailleur hanger on Nico's bike is simply there to show off his fancy vintage derailleur collection, one at a time, while we're out on group rides. He won't be hooking them up, but rather, just have them there for display.

CFR

Doctor said...

Nicorn is starting a new trend, Derailleurs as jewelry for your single speed. It's the new nose piercing.