2010 Death By Hills, in memoriam

Greetings to you, you sadistic, sadistic people. Today I think we all reached new heights, both in wrist-snappage, cake consumption, and hill gradients. I know that I felt a lot like Billy from "Predator," who delivered one of the most amazing lines: "We gon' die out here, Major." He then proceeded to cut the shit out of his chest and face like a true badass:

The perfect weather we had today seemed to have a positive effect on this ride - I didn't even get a headcount, but I'm sure that there were between 50 and 60 people on that ride at some point. I can't fucking believe that many people showed up to a road ride put on by Team Seagal. It's kind of like going to a cow pie flinging contest put on by gold-medal-winning curling squad.

The reaction from everyone to the turn up Bartizan was worth the time spent on this ride alone, and the... "odor" in the Allenton Rd. gas station was enough to have me feeling euphoric while reminiscing about times past. Seeing Sherrid pull a manual like this down Alt road at like 35mph on his bmx bike was pretty sweet ("Who is he, just some local kid?"):

We went up all the same hills as last year (plus or minus a few more), and more people finished! The view from the top of Cremin's Green and the D9 Bulldozer that rusts away up there is in fact quite satisfying. Climbing that hill was enough to make me forget how sad I was after seeing that sappy stray-pet commercial with Sarah Mclaughlin singing that crappy song, and how much of a douche Apolo Ohno looks with that Turbo-Soulpatch.

Also quite satisfying is knowing that Nico completed the entire ride on a fancy hybrid. Not many people have singlespeed hybrids, by the way. Pete, once again, rode to the ride and then rode home, thus showing us up once more. One guy, probably twice my age, did 110 miles the day before. I learned that there is no such place as "Lone Elk Coffee Company." We found out that small pieces of cake are an amazing thing to put down your throat-hole after 43 miles. Also, as it turns out, the sound of weakness leaving the body is eerily similar to the sound of spokes pinging and popping under the stress of being torqued up a 25% grade at 4mph.

Damn, what a good day. Let's do this again soon.

-Casey F. Ryback, Regular Guy.

PS. Good day. Nico here. Attached is the Garmin link as recorded from my hybrid. It is close to the full course except I did not go up Cremin's Green or Babler Forest Dr. because the VGS-12 malfunctioned when I thought about them and almost dropped a Fugi on my Kona. Coach is a effin' ass-hole. PEACE!


Mitch the Masher said...

What a perfect day. Added 8 miles, several climbs and did it an hour and 17 minutes faster this year. Fun shit! We had two girls in our group that blew my mind, always right there, tough as nails. One was Sarah, very cool! We ALL got your wrists snapped!

Mitch the Masher said...

Nico, I turned left on Strecker at the bottom of Clayton, went all the way to Kehrs Mill, then on my bypass up Saddle Creek and back to Kehrs Mill. I wasn't sure what the route did at the end and just kept going. You are a bad ass!


Borb said...

That Bartizan climb is an other-worldly experience.

I got dropped before I made it 3 miles, but met a cool redhead named Stephanie who kept me from getting lost.

I look forward to making this pilgrimage in 2011.

Forrest Taft said...

"You can only eat so many power bars." but, ROBORT thinks differently after making that his main dish for almost every meal out in CO for SSWC09!


Scott said...

Thanks for the ride fella's. Awesome day. I need lots more rides like that.

CockPuncher said...

Holy shit you guys are BAD FUCKING ASS. Nico, your Gramon link says something like 5700 calories burnt. I think Shakespeare's is in your future. Great job everyone. My previous commitment meant only 2 hours ride time....which was plenty for me!

Peat said...

Awesome ride. Ryback, you pulled our group for at least the last 50% of the ride. No joke. I may be recovered in time to do it again next year. Thanks again.

emilie said...

Um, hi. I don't know any of you but I think this route is awesome and I'm riding it on Memorial Day (Monday 31-May-10). If anyone wants to come out and play you are more than welcome. Starting from Lone Wolf at 7.30a.