20100729

2010 Dirt Crit #5 - More Fun Than Watching Monkeys Fling Their Poo

Greetings, you Team Seagal Tifosi. If you haven't made it out to the Alpine Shop/Lone Wolf Coffee Dirt Crits, then you've missed out tremendously. Not to rub it in, or anything. These have only gotten bigger each week. This week, it was so huge that police had to close all streets within Ballwin, Manchester and Winchester, including all boat traffic on the Meramec River. People had been camping out for several days prior, just to get a good parking spot near the festivities. I was one of the lucky ones, parking at the Chubb Trail parking lot and then caulking my wagon and floating it across the river.

Seriously the turnout was huge. Huge like the murals that were lovingly drawn on the walls of the late TC Man (RIP.) Several soldiers made the trip out there this week, including a Ryback, a Felino, a Lawman/TTM, and a Petrosevitch. Our esteemed teammates Jerkward and the Tropical Storm sallied forth from the city to see the race. We even saw some Dogfish sightings, some heavy CX crossover, and even a sneaky sighting by the Shop Gnome himself, Mr. Fellet on one of his own creations. He did quite well, despite still having the No-XX handicap. Somehow rigging his 970 XTR to limp along a little while longer, he proceeded to put his evil inside the souls of many that stood in his way, all probably riding that 960 series XTR bullshit. Sheesh.

Sasha was crushing it in retro Seagal Kit while riding her singlespeed hybrid, while Lawman was... racing... in his... uh, cheerleading outfit, specially tailored to him:


When asked why he decided to race in a cheerleader's outfit, he responded by licking his lips to keep from drooling, managing a one sentence answer: "Because it lets me feel like me. The real me."

The A Race lined up with a monstrous, chest-hair inducing sprint in front of us before the labyrinth of course tape slowed us down into a choo-choo train of... racers, all bent on making way in the fast lane on the road to victory. Some serious wrecks took some mahjor players out - especially on the first corner over the bridge. Gino seemed to make good headway in the bunch sprint, allowing him to be placed in the proper grouping:

Speaking of chest hair, specifically the kind that is visible through one's sweaty white clothing, I managed to stay relatively strong throughout the first four laps, at which point I started losing the ability to attack or hang with anyone else besides Mr. Cooper. It was around that time that my "loss control" mode kicked in. A couple of pulls off of my secret 2 liter helped ease the pain, though. I think that my circa 1992 Mesa skinsuit may have had something to do with it:

Our good buddy Peat was supremely kicking ass, and being quite proud to be the "Least-Pro" in the A class; unlike me, as I think was the only person pro enough to be in a skinsuit. Here is Peat, lining up as part of the burgeoning BMX-class:
No word on whether either of these fine ambassadors for our sport beat the man behind them, who won the prize for "Most Ridiclously Raked-Out Fork." (The prize is being mentioned on our blog.) A bit of post-race update on Peat - the post-race protocol in fact did find him to test positive for a huge beard, thus confirming what has been suspected for a long time, that he IS beard-doping.

Beards are long known to give the host immense power, i.e Commander Riker:
Chuck Norris:(yes that is a birthday cake with a shredded, shirtless Chuck Norris on it)

...or even Mason Storm:

Ralph, the Dirt Crit High Commander seems to truly enjoy announcing each person as they come by - seen here fist pounding Lawman:

Found within the C Race, a Tandem division was emerging as the crowd favorite:

Despite their mantra of "Every Ride is a Race," this is one race in which the DRJ contingent was not able to hang - definitely last place. Must have been due to their AARP meeting having gone late the night before - all the way till like 4pm. There were rumblings of a Pugsley showdown next time (yes, more than one Pugsley)... we shall see if that goes down.

An immensely fun time was had by all that partook and showed up. Justin was feeling a bit Randy with our Lawman:

And Scooter, fresh out of the High Lands of Breckenridge, where he rode 100 miles on his mountain bike, showed off his number plate and in doing so, has the cover photo for a 1970's rock album, if he were to ever put one out:
"We've got armadillos in our trousers. It's really quite frightening."

If you want to get in on the fun, you have one moar chance - this Sunday starting at 9AM. Consider it like Dirt Church. Following the races, there will be Food, Folks and Fun at Lone Wolf. But you'll have to show up. Just remember, there's no point in pulling out of every one of these races just because you aren't winning it. That doesn't make you a good racer. Just sayin'. They races are more fun than drinking 2+ year old beer that has been laying in a gutter (WARNING - graphicly hilarious vomiting):

If it doesn't play, then go here.

You're welcome.

-Casey F. Ryback

41 comments:

Barry B. said...

True story. I heard Lawman was showing up in a cheerleader kit. I was getting ready in the parking lot and from behind I saw what I thought must be him in a skirt, flaunting his broad shoulders. But a second later, I realized "no that's not him. That is someones mom."

~Bob said...

That guy chugs beer like a bitch.

Scott said...

Thats the guy you dont want in your house when drinking. What a vagina.

Doctor said...

I too have tested positive for beard doping, which I fully deny. The testing lab screwed me. If you would like to donate to the Doctor Fairness Fund, please send your money to the folks at Jenkem Cycles.
Doctor

PS. Is is wrong to think that Lawman should dress this way all the time?

Casey Ryback said...

I thought he did dress that way... most of the time.

C-Dubs said...

That beer swilling local truly showed superior attitude and superior state of mind by puking and then finishing the beer before puking more. Sign him up!

Anonymous said...

buy valium cheap online valium half life 2mg - valium 10mg sevrage alcoolique

Anonymous said...

where to buy ambien online ambien cr generic date - ambien cr in canada

Anonymous said...

buy xanax online white round generic xanax - xanax side effects user reviews

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam online diazepam online sales - diazepam normal dose

Anonymous said...

buy xanax online xanax withdrawal muscle twitching - xanax withdrawal and headaches

Anonymous said...

lorazepam drug ativan ep 905 - ativan 2mg tablet

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam online diazepam dosage for dogs - diazepam dosage children

Anonymous said...

buy xanax xanax high feel like - xanax reviews 2012

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam online diazepam withdrawal symptoms nhs - diazepam vicodin withdrawal

Anonymous said...

online xanax xanax overdose dosage - xanax and alcohol is fun

Anonymous said...

generic xanax online many 1mg xanax equal bar - dea drug schedule xanax

Anonymous said...

best place to buy xanax online xanax zyprexa - xanax bars oxycontin

Anonymous said...

discount ativan ativan 6 weeks - buy ativan us

Anonymous said...

xanax without a perscription xanax side effects erectile dysfunction - generic xanax not working

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam diazepam dosage recreational - buy diazepam online usa

Anonymous said...

buy alprazolam online without prescription xanax high how long - xanax bars or footballs

Anonymous said...

lorazepam 1mg ativan overdose how many pills - ativan 1 mg half life

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online ambien rebound insomnia how long - ambien side effects if you stay awake

Anonymous said...

valium online canada valium 2632 - buying valium online forum

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol online what is carisoprodol side effects - soma drug online

Anonymous said...

zolpidem drug ambien cr 12.5 mg tab - ambien withdrawal blog

Anonymous said...

purchase soma where to buy soma online - generic name soma compound

Anonymous said...

order diazepam valium vs xanax fear of flying - drug interactions lyrica valium

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online ambien sleep anxiety - ambience mall gurgaon food court

Anonymous said...

soma muscle naxodol carisoprodol side effects - soma online rx

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol soma soma scheduled drug california - carisoprodol tramadol interaction

Anonymous said...

ambien zolpidem ambien cr 6.25 price - ambien cr drug interactions

Anonymous said...

buy generic valium no prescription much does pill valium cost - valium side effects urination

Anonymous said...

buy valium online generic valium canada - buy valium from india

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Official Page of Team Seagal - Post a Comment generic prednisone online - generic prednisolone http://www.ourdailybreadmarket.net/#generic-prednisolone

Anonymous said...

Medication For Healthier Fingernails prednisone online - prednisone online pharmacy http://www.prednisone4sale.com/#prednisone-online-pharmacy

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap zolpidem - buy ambien without prescription http://topandhra.com/#buy-ambien-without-prescription

Anonymous said...

tmd zithromax for sale no prescription - azithromycin 500mg http://www.zithromaxonlinerx.net/#purchase-azithromycin, [url=http://www.zithromaxonlinerx.net/#purchase-azithromycin]zithromax price [/url]

Anonymous said...

rvb generic maxalt online - order maxalt online http://www.painreliefpharmonline.net/maxalt.html, [url=http://www.painreliefpharmonline.net/maxalt.html]buy maxalt no prescription [/url]

Anonymous said...

xrh generic strattera no prescription - discount strattera http://www.stratteraforsale.net/#discount-strattera , [url=http://www.stratteraforsale.net/#buy-generic-strattera-online ]buy generic strattera online [/url]