Congratulations to The Professor!

Greetings Loyal Team Seagal Jorks! This past weekend we saw our own Professor Robert Burns take second place in the Missouri State Cyclocross Championships on the **WEST** side! He spent the day deep in battle with MO CX giant, Josh Johnson. Despite a barrage of wholly uncalled-for bullshit being spewed out every lap by typical KC CX fanbois, they fought their way to a 1-2 finish. How's that for a couple of St. Louis teams representing? I believe that in most classes where an "easterner" didn't win, they were only beaten by an out-of-stater, so it didn't even count. Neener neener neener, they're jealous of our pen'rs. Don't forget about the Singlespeed class, where we had deployed two of our Elite Fighting Force, both the Tropical Storm Masson and T-tocs with direct orders to lay down an unending path of destruction, not ending until the finish line. Total success was swift, and unflinching on a course which is reported to not have required brakes. Apparently the competition was intense, which made for some very hard racing. The racing was so hard, it was as hard as Criss Angel while doing any of the following activities:

-watching the movie "Pumping Iron" starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
-attending a Jonas Brothers concert
-driving the bus for the local dudes-only high school swim team
-shopping for the best cucumber at the supermarket
-seeing a box of "Anusol" on the shelf at the local drug store
-getting a colonoscopy
-watching Boy George videos on youtube
-getting to meet Richard Simmons for the first time
-making out with Richard Simmons later that day

Anyway, many other developments were afoot this weekend, so bitches best LTFO (look the fuck out.) Prepare your t'aint for the few organized CX events left this season. I have been carefully modifying my diet to only include food that is made of the most honorable and intense of ingredients, in order to make me as battle-ready as possible. For example, this is how I have my soup made for me:


-Casey F. "Coach" Ryback


sc said...

Hey Guys, this KC Fan boy is sorry for the trash talk coming from some of my companions. I'm pretty sure it was the alcohol talking. You're teammates cheered me on every lap and i appreciated it.

They got a real kick when i mentioned to them that my penis was cold.

Love the blog.

Hope to see Team Segal in the KC area again soon!

Nico Toscani

Casey Ryback said...

Oooooweee boy, all this talk about cold penises has my penis extra warm!

c d said...

Yeah I too apologize for being overly obnoxious on the hill. It was great having you all out there and congrats on the strong finishes! Thanks again for coming!

New East Coast Syndicate said...

I bet Chris Angel is excited to read about a cold penis and rumor in Hollywood is he's moving to KC and offering to warm them all.
Viagra comes with a warning about hard ons that last more then 4 hours, should I be concerned that I have had one ever since getting my entry into Cxmas?

Brian said...

I predict: Chris Angel is going to squander his fortune on Preparation H and 15 year old pool boys. He will end up working at Target as a door greeter dressed in a Santa Claus costume for the holiday season. The rest of the year, he will sell his blood and wear a chicken suit in front of local fast food restaurants. He's a poor man's David Blaine.

Doctor said...

You are correct Mr. Dubbs. In fact, Criss angel was so hard when he read about the cold peni', he was almost as hard as Arnold Schwarzenegger watching "Pumping Iron" (which is a fantastic film by the way)

Dan said...

Actually doctor, I believe penis in plural is penises or penes.

New East Coast Syndicate said...

Doctor, you in town for Cxmas?

Doctor said...

"I prefer penes"
-Criss Angel

I wish I was going to be there for CXMAS, it's the only time I drink egg nog. sadly my flight arrangements to the great plains of Oklahoma have already been locked in. Kona 24hrs of Old Pueblo anybody?

Dan said...

Doctor, have you registered a team? Looks like individual is all filled up. I see they're raising money for cancer research...hmmm...