20111023

Another Day, Another Jork

Greetings, Team Seagal Junkies! We are nothing, if not educators. We are constantly on the search for knowledge which we can impart upon our followers. Sometimes it may not be knowledge in the traditional, academic sense (such as with our continuing jenkem research) but instead, knowledge of breaking news. Today is one of those days that we are able to bring to you truly earth-shattering news of Energor-like proportions.

Today, we introduce to you our newest member, Roland Sallinger - a top researcher at a nearby recumbent factory where he has put much effort into legitimizing the discipline of recumbent triathlons. Under his direction, required chain lengths have grown longer and their paths have become ever more convoluted as they pass through the most complex chain guides ever installed on bikes. He has worked tirelessly to improve the recumbents position in the two-wheeled pecking order:

1. mountain bikes
2. cyclocross bikes
3. road bikes
4. hybrid/fitness bikes
5. tri/tt bikes
6. penny farthings/"ordinaries"
7. walmart/target specials
8. recumbents
9. rusty walmart/target bikes
10. This bike

They used to be at the bottom, but since rusty bikes may not actually propel you forward, they dropped down.

We operate in the same manner, therefore the Team Seagal Department Of Recruitment and Killing (D.O.R.K.) saw fit to make a move:

Unfortunately, the Mayor of Pizza Town distributed his uniform at an inopportune time. Good thing his Superior Attitude and Superior State of Mind saw him through to a superior finish.

If your looking for a way to welcome him to the team, at the next race give him the "Criss Angel Salute" using this water gun:


Welcome aboard the Man Train, Jerk!
-Casey F. Ryback

5 comments:

Scott said...

Holy shit. Pumped to be a part of the seagal squad. Wondering why it took this long.

Fuck you.


Roland Sallinger

Nico Toscani said...

Yea scoooooter! AWESOME! I am so ready to toast ur superiority next week at the bubba bicycle social. Perhaps we should double it and hang out on saturday too at the GORC Matson trail workday. the heat is on muthafucka

Trail Monster said...

JORK!

New East Coast Syndicate said...

Jerk

Doctor said...

Jerk ass fuckin Jerk!
Listen to Slayer
Doctor