Greetings, Team Seagal fiends. Tired of your life having more bullshit than a psychic trade show? Well, we have the (a) solution for you, though it won't be until June 2nd:  the annual Missouri Singlespeed Championships! It may seem like an odd day of the year, but when you think about it, all this cool shit happened in Canada on June 2nd: Beeyotch!

There have been many glorious times had in the past at Singlespeed-Only events, usually being homo-erotic, Jefferson City style. Last year we found new trails. In 2010, we were Back in Denim. In 2009, we got really drunk, rasseled in the field, and were introduced to "Masson." Could you possibly want want to miss the crazy hijinks and wacky misadventures? Especially when the Trail Giant himself, Man Sperman, er, I mean, Dan Fuhrmann, had a hand (or at least one of his appendages) in the "mud" to help create the very trails on which we will be shredding come June 2nd.

Now of course, this is the same day as another highly regarded race/experience taking place just across our great state's border - the Dirty Kanzaa 200, otherwise known as "T'aint Kryptonite" to yours truly. 200 gravelly miles would no doubt make my t'aint as grizzled as Kris Kristofferson's face:
For those of us mere mortals, who have trouble with the thought of their t'aint becoming an aged country music star, come to the SSC race. And if your don't have a singlespeed, grab some duct tape and rape, I mean, wrap, your shifters.

Check out the link here to find out all the info you need.

This shit is gonna be metal. Like windmill headbanging metal:

-Casey F. Ryback


New East Coast Syndicate said...

Having Criss Angel pummel my taint after having the hemorrhoids removed by a high speed belt sander sounds more enjoyable then the DIrty Kanzaa 200. Perhaps I will have to consider yet another trip to the land of the great arch for MOSSC.

Wendy Davis said...

It's a darn shame that I will be kicking ass and taking names in Kansas. And for the record it's 203 miles. Don't knock it until you've tried it NECS.

New East Coast Syndicate said...

Touche Sasha but I only have a singlespeed in storage at The Hub and that would truly be a painful experience.