Death By Hills - gonna be wiggity wack

Greetings. If I hear the fucking words "snowpocalypse," snowmaggaedon" or any ironic derivation of how a few inches of snow is going to be the end of the world, I am going to find some puppies and then hack them up for barbeque. Cute puppies - the kind that Sarah McGlaughlin would sing sad songs about for ASPCA commercials. Fuck. I don't remember hearing people using those words back when we would get several snowfalls like this per winter.

Since I've been asked multiple times this morning about Sunday, I'm still calling it a go. I think that we'll have enough time between now and 9am Sunday morning for the roads to become clear enough for us to ride without dodging swimming pools of slush.We may have to skip some hills (like the Scenic Loop) if they are closed or uncleared. However, snow in Missouri has a tendency to not stick around for very long - particularly on pavement.

So sack up/vag up, clean the sand/ice crystals out of your gash, and do what this day-laborer did (and what I plan on doing), and put some fenders on your bike to control the spray of the snow melt:
Don't have any fenders? Fenders don't fit your carbon race machine? Patronize your local bike shop and pick up some SKS Race-Blade fenders, or something like them.

If you're worried about getting sprayed in the face, seek out one of these contraptions:

See you Sunday.

Gaseously Yours,
-Casey F. Ryback


Peat said...

Death by Hills - fat bike edition.

Or maybe I'll get some Norwegian studded tires. I hear those climb well.

CockPunchOr said...

The beautiful thing about Park Tools' Vaginal De-Sandification tool, the venerable VDS-1, is that is works equally well as the Vaginal De-SNOWification tool, too. So, perhaps everyone could snap on some sort of fendering device, and just be there already.

B. U. Kakke said...

If you're worried about getting sprayed in the face, seek out one of these contraptions:

Hmm... never mind, I was thinking you meant something else.

bot166 said...

kindly as i am a hacker i've never ridden a bike outside but i do have one my mom gave me when i turned 26. it is all black. if i attend your glorious achievement ride can i get a what what?

should i bring the check for 15 million euros to the event or shall we exchange pin numbers?

blessed be the seagals.



Anonymous said...

A good spray in the face bukakee fest!
America, fuck yeah!