Greetings, Jerks. This past weekend found several of your heroes sallying forth into the hinterlands of Hermann, MO. Beckoned by a man who does more for Missouri cycling during his morning constitutional than the rest of us could hope to do in a decade, Jeff Yielding, we had a clear goal: to c-c-c-crush some gravelly roads o'er yonder. Myself, Jerkward, Titt-ay, Mr. Ax0l, and Dr. Roland Sallinger, alongside our noble ally Justin White, saddled up and met the rest of the people in Hermann at the Wings-a-Blazin. (pronounced "bl-ah-zn".)
We rolled out with a number of other like-minded wheelmen and women, happy to have a wonderfully sunny day keeping our spirits higher than the tops of the numerous hills we ascended. The roads pulled us through beautiful scenery, and passed some interesting homesteads:
Not far after that was "Happy Farm." No joke.
The first loop went quicker than I expected to, despite the headwind on the return trip down the Katy. It provided a warm nice warm-up for the second loop, which provided us with ample bosoms/opportunity to stretch our climbing legs. And fortunately, when you reach the top of a hill, you eventually have to go back down, and the descents were absolutely rippin'. Totally, brah.Myself and Edwardsville Todd arrived back at Wings-a-Blahzn just in time for our stomach to have squeezed every final drop of sustenance from the last snacks we had about an hour earlier - which worked out well, because we destroyed every morsel of food on our plates.
I could tell that everyone was excited to have this "season" getting underway, with much discussion about various gravel rides (I.E. the Fec-Kar), road rides, and mountain rides being had. Fuck.
Speaking of rides, don't forget that the 5th Death By Hills is gonna get did this weekend. Other than the rules of the road, there aren't really any rules to consider. However, if I may offer up one suggested rule for this ride, it is this:
NO COMPLAINING ABOUT THE HILLS.
You're showing up for a long ride that is specifically designed to (and purposefully advertised as such) go up all the hardest hills in a certain area. So that being said, and since I/we are "organizing" this ride, it is annoying as fuck to hear someone's sandy vag start coughing up gritty beach sand. If you feel a sudden complaint coming on, take the advice of this gif:
By the way, the newest additions to the List of Manliness:
-defeating the Predator
-Casey F. Ryback