Weather Looks Good For This Weekend - How About Your Legs?

Greetings, Fellow Team Seagal butthash-addicts! As I sit here developing my recumbent-cycle form lounging on the couch, and as Mona the one-headed Cerberus sits here chewing on some pizzle, I am gazing upon the weather forecast for this Sunday, which is looking very promising: http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/l/63109:4:US

"But Crotch, I never rely on Weather.com - wunderground/accuweather/noaa/turdforecasting is way moar accurate and so I think you should ...*chokes on cock*..."   Shaddap. Arguing over which weather forecasting service to rely on, 5 days out, is more useless than a cooking segment in a morning news show.

In the meantime, assuming the weather holds out, and assuming no more events crop up and get in the way, this ride should be quite amaz0rz, and with minimal thermal clothing required. And, as per usual, will involve far-less drama than a season-opening local Cat 1/2 road race breakaway.

Also, despite the trend in cycling for tires increasing in width faster than the average 'Murican's waistline, we here at Team Seagal HQ would like to assure you that this route is very traditional, in that it doesn't require you to have any fatter of a tire than a 700x23. I'm not saying you can't ride your Salsa BlackBorrow or your Surly Ice Cream Truck if you want to get that nice floatation, compliance, and velcro-like grip at the RR track crossings in Eureka, but it won't be necessary.

In other news, a ride where some fatter-than-23c tires *will* be necessary is one put on by someone who's name may-or-may-not rhyme with "Man Sherman."  And since not everyone is a cool person on the social medias and the facebooks and the internets, it is once again up to your trusted news source, Team Seagal. He's calling it, in what can only be seen as a near-worship level of reverence to Death By Hills ride, the "Death By Gravel." Now I know what the Tropical Storm is thinking, "That sounds like the way that ole' Crazy Jim may have died in an alternate universe." He would be right, but it is also a gnarly off-pavement route that will congeal in the town of Steelville, apparently at the City Pool on March 29th at 8:30am. Here is the route, which can be uploaded as a course onto your GPS unit to ensure you go the right way:
Garmin Connect - Death by Gravel

90 miles in the Mark Twain National Forest? Hells yes. In the words of Ice Cube, I'm about to pull out the jammy and kill the punani. Only, by "jammy" I mean "bicycle" and by "kill the punani" I mean "ride the bicycle in the Ozarks with others."

In order to help get the proper motivation for all the climbing that is on the horizon, here is a video that should inspire us all to climb like a juiced-pro, i.e. in the big ring. Because it's the saying goes that is etched over the marble entryway at Team Seagal HQ:  "Big Gears Mean Big Results"

Here is another thing to keep in mind for inspiration when you're facing some hardcore pain-tunnel action - Charles Bronson being super-badass:

 "Looks like you brought two too-many..."

In the meantime, get totally short-bus'd.
-Coachward F. Crotchbak

No comments: