CXMAS 2018

Just over a week away from the best way to start the New Year! Or the biggest let down of 2018, but at least your year can only get better from there. You do get what you pay for and Team Seagal thrives on putting the lazy in "Bloated, drunken, used to ride bikes and be fast(ish) race team."*
Oh you say "lazy" isn't in that? Huh? Read between the lines then I guess.

*We finally found something we can beat you at DRJ!


January 1, 2018 11:00am


Howell Island Parking Lot MAP
-This is a small lot. Some of you probably will need to park at St. Louis Premium Outlets Mall and ride about a mile along the levee path


Free, but we will have a donation box with the money going to the charity of a CXMASer's choice (see below).


Another 2 events this year.
Event 1
The first event is a traditional CXMAS course, if there is such a thing. To try and get everyone to finish closer to the same time we will finish on Howell Island with extra laps of the main loop there for the fastest riders. We will announce the time cut off for starting the last lap at the event but we will be hoping most people average a ride of about 1.5 hours or less.
Event 2
A mini team relay race: There will be 5 teams of four riders. You are responsible for having your group of four decided. We're not doing it for you. The 5 teams will race on a very short course completing at least 10 laps, alternating riders on each lap. Those of us not in the relay will get to watch, cheer, heckle, jeer, and otherwise mess with those in the relay. Think hand-ups. Making them ride your bike. Add an extra obstacle for them to ride over. Make it what you want. Or just stand by the fire and drink. We don't care.
Getting into the relay race: Throughout the first ride there will be 5 envelopes in the possession of certain Seagal jerks. These jerks will hand them out as they see fit to those that show the most "merry" spirit during the ride. One envelope will be held for the rider that finishes first during that nonrace. Open your envelope before we tell you to and you'll be out like coach after he finishes his second case of Hamm's.
The Rides of the relay: Each envelope will contain a picture of one of the five bikes (or BLOs) that teams will get to ride during the relay. Each bike is guaranteed to be basically functional. Probably. Maybe.
Before the start of the relay teams will be able to steal or exchange these envelopes with another team in the hopes of getting a better bike.
Prizes: There will be some very CXMAS style prizes that each of the 4 on the winning team of the relay will win. Plus the winning team will get to decide where this years donation goes to. (Subject to Team Seagal approval. Sorry Fuhrmann, it just can't go to bringing back that sweet perm you had going this summer).


So weather looks cold as fuck this year. This could change everything. If it's like this again we'll probably just ride our bikes around the Missouri River Floodplain, and when we run out of beer or it all freezes we will just pedal our frozen selves to iTap or something.




Death By Hills Update

Here ye, here ye - attention to anyone who is planning on showing up for this year's ride - there is a fairly major route change afoot. It's looking more and more like we are the equivalent to the boy in Criss Angel's closet - fucked more each day.

There is a bridge inside Rockwoods Reservation, that is, along Glencoe Road, that is going to begin demolition and rebuild this week:


I have looked, and there is no reasonable re-route. As it pertains to us, (a group of 50-100 cyclists) it will be closed to traffic. This eliminates the long Melrose Road climb back up to the stop sign at Allenton Road. This unfortunately translates into an elimination of a roughly 8 mile loop, that offered a ton of scenery, and a long, gradual descent to rest your legs.

 So please note the difference for this year, and rest assured that next year it will once again be part of the ride. This is the new map going forward, so pass it along and tell your friends:

Just remember what Arnold sez:

Ya'll a buncha bitchez - particularly C-Dubs.

-Casey F. Ryback


2017 Death By Hills

Mark your calendars.You're probably using a blackberry - what are you, some important business guy?

WHEN:  Sunday, February 26th. If the weather sucks shit, we'll postpone it a week, but probably not. Word is that your boy Mason Storm is going to be in town!

9AM - Clicking in at 9AM. So get there by 8:45. I'm talking to you, Pizza Time, Nico, Titty....

Where is the start: Clayton and Kehrs Mill Road, In front of the Fortels Pizza Den, Across from The Wolf Public House

What's the fucking route, Lebowski:

-We can not ride down (and up) Woodlawn Meadows, so the route has been slightly altered, but should not change the mileage in a meaningful way.
-So we have to make up this hill by turning left up Rocky Ridge off of the bike path alongside Hwy 109. This is an out-and-back, and not long after Bartizan, so prepare yer nutsack.

NO ONE IS "IN CHARGE" OF THIS RIDE. THIS IS AN UN-MARKED, UNSUPPORTED RIDE - YOU ARE 100% ON YOUR OWN, unless your riding buddies are along side you. Know the route, have the Garmin route uploaded, or stick with someone who DOES know the route. Bring water and food, as there are only two gas stations - one at mile ~29, the next at mile ~75. That's it.

My dumbass can make it up all these hills, and I drink like a 6 pack a day. So you should attempt it as well. See ya there.

-Casey F. Ryback
The "F" stands for "get totally minivanned"