Oh you say "lazy" isn't in that? Huh? Read between the lines then I guess.
*We finally found something we can beat you at DRJ!
January 1, 2018 11:00am
Howell Island Parking Lot MAP
-This is a small lot. Some of you probably will need to park at St. Louis Premium Outlets Mall and ride about a mile along the levee path
Free, but we will have a donation box with the money going to the charity of a CXMASer's choice (see below).
Another 2 events this year.
The first event is a traditional CXMAS course, if there is such a thing. To try and get everyone to finish closer to the same time we will finish on Howell Island with extra laps of the main loop there for the fastest riders. We will announce the time cut off for starting the last lap at the event but we will be hoping most people average a ride of about 1.5 hours or less.
A mini team relay race: There will be 5 teams of four riders. You are responsible for having your group of four decided. We're not doing it for you. The 5 teams will race on a very short course completing at least 10 laps, alternating riders on each lap. Those of us not in the relay will get to watch, cheer, heckle, jeer, and otherwise mess with those in the relay. Think hand-ups. Making them ride your bike. Add an extra obstacle for them to ride over. Make it what you want. Or just stand by the fire and drink. We don't care.
Getting into the relay race: Throughout the first ride there will be 5 envelopes in the possession of certain Seagal jerks. These jerks will hand them out as they see fit to those that show the most "merry" spirit during the ride. One envelope will be held for the rider that finishes first during that nonrace. Open your envelope before we tell you to and you'll be out like coach after he finishes his second case of Hamm's.
The Rides of the relay: Each envelope will contain a picture of one of the five bikes (or BLOs) that teams will get to ride during the relay. Each bike is guaranteed to be basically functional. Probably. Maybe.
Before the start of the relay teams will be able to steal or exchange these envelopes with another team in the hopes of getting a better bike.
Prizes: There will be some very CXMAS style prizes that each of the 4 on the winning team of the relay will win. Plus the winning team will get to decide where this years donation goes to. (Subject to Team Seagal approval. Sorry Fuhrmann, it just can't go to bringing back that sweet perm you had going this summer).
So weather looks cold as fuck this year. This could change everything. If it's like this again we'll probably just ride our bikes around the Missouri River Floodplain, and when we run out of beer or it all freezes we will just pedal our frozen selves to iTap or something.