Swooping into Swope Park

Greetings, Team Seagal Loyalistas. There have not been nearly enough updates this season, but fear not: across our ranks, there have been many miles logged, despite the recent heat wave. We have attended many of the recent races, including the Courtois Challenge, in which Nico got very cozy with a stream crossing. Ooooweee.

Coming up this weekend are two excellent races, the much-anticipated return of the Spoke Pony 3/6 Hour race, which had last made an appearance back in 'aught 8, where Mason and I took 3rd place: See here. We will never forget the Xanadu-like trail conditions that day. But this year, it is changing venues, from Landahl to Swope Park. To put this kind of euphoria into perspective, this is like getting a "Commando/Predator" combo Blu-ray pack for Christmas one year, and then the next year getting a "Marked for Death/On Deadly Ground" combo DVD pack. In other words, Going from badass wrist-snapping to t'aint-melting badassery. You can't lose.

By the end of that race, we'll be as messed up as a Steven Seagal sex slave, if Steven Seagal fed his sex slaves PBR.

Fortunately, we'll have a second race at which to try our wrists on sunday, the Midwest Single Speed Championships, which is not being held in Jeff City for the first time. I guess those Red Wheel bros were gettin' all bummed about the StL Man-Train choo-chooing all over their home turf. (We'll just have to make sure to do that at the Tall Oak Challenge instead.) So who knows what will happen there, other than a RE-FUCKING-SULTS.

How do we get these results, you have been wondering? Chubb laps.

So until race day, I have two things that you can put into your brain:

1) Read this.

2) Watch this:

Even though CX isn't too far away, there is still PLENTY of mtb racing left: Tall Oak, Rapture in Misery, Burnin' at the mother fucking Blorff, Berryman Epic...



Burnsey said...

Hellz Yeah...See You Bitch's Saturday! It will be a grand arse-whoopin good time!

New East Coast Syndicate said...

An amazing show of total sphinter control, not a nugget hit the dock!

Anonymous said...

I think we're all a bit disappointed at our lack of SS championship races fueled by bbq'd 40's of Mad-Dog and Octagaon-esque wrestling, but you boys better come prepared to the one and only Tall Oak Challenge.

And by prepared I mean bring your coolers..it's gonna get nasty.

Cant wait to see you mofos.

~Bob Jenkins

jesse said...

Mr. Ryback,

Did you write that piece for the "lost in show business blog?" It seemed very CFRish. hope you guys enjoyed the swope action and kicked some ass at warsaw.