A Quick Check-In

Speedy Delivery, from Mr. McCrotchy:

Just a little well-known StL trail-nugget. Is there anyone who doesn't know where this is?

 If not, then please educate yourself.

In teh meantime, we have a few news items to mentiorn.Our power grows, as an increasing number of our troops have carnal knowledge of how to cleanly ascend the Greensfelder babyheads. Please speak with T0rrez and Mash0r regarding these items.

Next up, there are soon to be exciting developments in the works on the "Team Seagal Textiles" front. But I can't divulge anything beyond that - you'll have to keep paying attention to this blog, in the same way that Criss Angel stays glued to his textbooks as he studies to become a Pediatric Proctologist.

In even moar exciting news, One of our newer members to the team (but a familiar face to the local mtb/cx scene) Dr. Roland Sallinger (seen here) has officially become the first Soldier to get accepted into the Infamous Leadville Trail 100 - yes, the one that goes so high into the mountains, that he may actually catch a glimpse of Energor. No doubt, he will soon be ramping up his saddle time to previously unheard-of levels. He has asked us if we could take chamois cream donations for his training effort, as he will most certainly need it. Used or still in the package, it's all going to a good cause - the Save Scooter's T'aint Foundation.

No doubt this winter has been a good one for most of us, most notably yours truly, as I have secretly procured a fancy new trail weapon:

I know what you're thinking: "But Crotch, think you have enough hydraulic hose? You could probably lasso a couple of DRJ'rs with that!"   Yeah, I bet I can! Get fucked, by the way! I'm now going to keep it out of spite - hydraulic-disc-brake-aesthetic spite.

Next up on the radar, the Death By Hills ride. It should be one of the "5 Monuments of St. Louis Cycling", much in the same way that There are the 5 monuments of cycling over in Europe. The only difference is that this one includes chest hair and probably some death metal. Well, at least there will be both of those in my car on the way over. Life without death metal would be like being the President of The National Yogurt Association - weak as fuck. Which is the opposite of Pro As Fuck, or "PAF." (Or in DaveyB's case, STLPAF.)

These are the only new year's resolutions you need to worry about: Listen to death metal, ride Death By Hills, and donate to the SSTF.

End Transmission
-Casey F. Ryback

P.S. Oh yeah, and also ride Cedar Cross. It's gonna be more fun than beating Criss Angel to death with a 3 foot long dildo, while he's levitating.


Orin Boyd said...

CrOrtch!!! That rig is fucking sick!!!!! Get fucked jerk!!!

seamonkey said...

That is quite the nice. DBH12 may be the last before the Aztecs murder us. Allenton Lorp awaits.......

Mason Storm said...

So sick on the rig BRAHBROBREBRAHBROBROBRAH! sERIOUSLY GO FUCK YERSELPH! Stay tuned jerks for some MFXC III knowledge being blorg drorped this weekend!

Mason Storm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
New East Coast Syndicate said...

Well Dr Roland, take it from a man of experience you want to start your Leadville taint training with a 100 grit lined chamois and work your way up to 20 grit ASAP. Once you attain this superior state of taint substitute the chamois butter with tiger balm. If you carefully adhere to this training regime you will be feeling fresh enough for a post Leadville celebration with Criss Angel.

New East Coast Syndicate said...

Where the he'll is that nugget located? Is it Crss Angel's cock ring?

Scott said...


That bike is sick!!!

seriously.. I only trained for the breck 100 for 8 weeks(this race is sick and hard as fuck). I am going to go all summer and the goal is sub 9 for leadville. I WANT THAT GOLD BUCKLE SHIT>

Scott said...

I hammered a nail into my taint last night, with some help of course. didnt feel a thing. i think I am on track for superior taintness.

Mason Storm said...

my taint eats nails for breakfast, and right now it's VERY HUNGRY! F U all!

New East Coast Syndicate said...

Let Criss Angel hammer your taint for 9 hours and you will a) have achieved superior fairness and b) will get a gold buckle.

Doctor said...

Sweet Bike Croatch, you corn have as morch brake horse as you wornt. I too have a gold chainring btw. I do 5 minorts on teh belt sander ovary morning to harden my taint.
Fork you Jorks