5th Annual Death By Hills - 2013

Greetings, pale-faces! January and February in Missouri are worse than seeing ICP live in concert, with few exceptions. One of them being DBH. It's tons of fun. So let's prepare for all the badass rides coming up this year with some early season pain. If you've never done this ride, it is a route that essentially plays "connect-the-dots" with as many of the worst hills that West County has to offer - some just for the sake of going up, turning around, and back down. GTF!

Where: The parking lot across Clayton Road from The Wolf Public House. *DO NOT PARK IN THE WOLF LOT - DO PARK ACROSS THE STREET!

When: Sunday February 24th at 9AM. That is, clicking in AT 9AM - this is NOT "meet at 9AM and then show up 15 minutes late because I had trouble with the particular dialect when translating that last Chinese scroll."  ***If the weather is too cold or wet maybe we'll try to push it off one weekend.***

What Kind of Pace: Who cares. Do whatever. I'll probably be one of the heaviest (currently 227lbs), and therefore slowest, dudes out there, and I plan on riding every fucking one of those hills, which will translate into a talking pace. If you plan on riding Peat's birthday death-march this weekend, then you'll be primed and ready to get ripped. Hammer it out, we don't give a fuck.

Why?  Because fuck it!

Who shouldn't show up: Juggalos

ROUTE: Here is my Garmin link. Please understand that THIS ROUTE WILL NOT BE MARKED AT ALL. In fact, I was thinking of removing the street signs as well; I mean, I know where I'm going. So if you don't where you are going, which is fine, download the Garmin route, print out the cue-sheet, and/or stick with someone who knows where they are going.

The route, typed out for you to print:

-Start at Lone Wolf Coffee
-Head west on Clayton,
-Left on Thunderhead Canyon Dr.
-Left on Westglen Farms Dr.
-Right on "Village Plaza View Dr," toward the stripmall
-enter bike path opposite the parking lot
-left across black pedestrian bridge, crossing Hwy 100
-left after bridge
-hard right off of curb onto Old Manchester (across from the Jack in the Box)
-left onto Woods Rd. Descend and turn left up Bartizan, come back down, and continue down Woods.
-left onto bike path and ride south along Hwy 109.
-left up Old State for about .1 mile
-left onto Redtail Hawk Dr
-Then turn/veer left onto Johns Cabin Rd, which is a clockwise loop (Mitch's secret training loop) and will bring you back to Old State. (BUT not before making a quick left up and back down Starwood Rd!)
-Cross 109 at Old State, turn right up Alt Rd.
-Left on Forby.
-Right on N. Central Ave
-Cross over Hwy 44, turn right onto West Main St (in between train tracks.)
-left onto Wengler and start Allenton Loop, going CCW.
-Exit Allenton Loop to the left, go underneath Hwy 44, and climb Allenton Rd.
- right onto Scenic Loop Rd, going "Wrong Way." (may have to skip due to park rangers or police.)
-right, continuing on Allenton Rd.
-left onto Melrose
-right onto Hwy 100
-right onto Woodland Meadows Dr.
-right onto Old Manchester
-right onto Glencoe (through Rockwoods.)
-Go straight up Melrose
-Turn right (again) onto Hwy 100, cross over and turn left and continue on Melrose all the way until it descends to Hwy T.
-Left on T
-Left on Bassett
-Left onto Cremin's Green, out-and-back. Continue up Bassett.
-Left onto Old Manchester
-left onto Bouquet.
-Left onto Ossenfort (at the big white farm house)
-Cross T, and continue on Ossenfort.
-Continue straight onto Wild Horse Creek
-turn left up Babler Forest as an out-and-back.
-Come back down, and turn right onto Wild Horse Creek, climbing to Rieger.
-Turn left onto Rieger
-Right on Pond.
-left on Smith School Rd.
-Left on BA.
-left into Babler State Park. Once in Babler, turn right onto John Cochran Dr (CCW loop), turn right up Theodore Wirth Drive, and left down Guy Park Dr (past the pool). Turn right back up John Cochran Dr, climb up the first hill, and turn left at the bottom of the other side (also John Cochran Dr (be careful on the gravel!) and duck under gate to exit Babler State Park.
-Immediately turn right up Wild Horse Creek Drive (Doberman.)
-Turn right onto Old Eatherton.
-Left onto Orville.
-Right up Shephard.
-Left onto bike path alongisde 109
-Left onto Clayton back to The Wolf Public House.

*Please take note of where to exit Babler State Park - it is not well marked, and easy to miss. It is at the bottom of the second climb, when you will pass by it at first, and then loop back around to it. It is not very well paved, and you will have to go underneath a metal gate.

NOTE: There are only two gas stations/refuel points on the route, so plan accordingly - first is the MotoMart next to Six Flags (~28 miles in) and the other is at the top of Wild Horse Creek, where it intersects with 109/Eatherton (~80 miles.) Plan your water consumption properly.

I know this has already been posted up, but it it so amazing, it is worth re-posting. Don't let this happen to you... on this ride:

Don't be a dick.
-Casey "Scratch-n-Sniff" Ryback


Schlomo Axel said...

I saw ICP in concept at the Galaxy when I was like 15. Does that qualify me as a Juggalo?

As penance, I'll big ring the whole fucking thing.

Doctor said...

If I remember correctly this route takes in a nice trip to the old D9 bulldozer. I almost suffered the fate of the triathletes in the video when we were in babler.

PS. It got down to zero for a couple nights and taco blasted the shit out of her nips

CockPunchOr said...

JERKS, I am saddened to tell you this....but I ascended Cremins Green today and, alas, the D9 is no more. It's gone. The worst part is that I was actually prepared for Chinese scroll translation atop the dozer, my attitude was superior, and then....quite disappointed. But, one can not leave scrolls untranslated, so there's that...I'll 2nd DR's GTF...PunchOr

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